High maintenance, it takes a lot to convince me, but it only takes that much (communication) trust issues

Sorry the title is so confusing. My titles have been long and confusing lately. I don't know, I don't think them through. They just come to mind and I run with it.

Sometimes it's one word; sometimes it's a whole sentence. I just want to be thorough, and communicate different things sometimes.

In a communication way, I guess you could, I'm "high maintenance." I will need to talk through things.

Sometimes, I have my own convictions, and sometimes they're horrible, and I just need to be talk, the secret that people don't understand, is that I want to be convinced otherwise. If they really are bad.

I never try to hurt someone's feelings by talking about something that's difficult or on my mind, though sometimes people automatically assume the problem is with them and start to get upset.

In reality. "It's me, it's not you." The problem is always me thinking about something, and needing to talk about because it causes me some kind of distress or sadness. Oftentimes, I want to desperate be proven wrong. That my horrible thoughts, ideas, worries, and concerns, are wrong. And that's why I talk about them. Before I do, they will be on my head. Until I talk about them.

I also think a lot. Sometimes it's while I am having a deep conversation with someone. I just need some time to think.

That's how it is with schoolwork too. It's the mind of a non-procrastinator.

Until it's done, it's constantly going to be on my mind.

Kind-of not a low-cortisol mindset, but this is literally just the way I've always been.

It's not a bad thing, because I get things done, and I'm thorough and think things through- however it can be difficult for people to understand and some people think I'm weird. I am weird, but this is just one of those things "the way I am." I can't really change it- and I don't try to make people upset.

Communication- is obviously not a bad thing.

You'd be surprised how many people are bad at it though. And quickly get offended by it.

That's a little funny to me.

Because how would the world turn without communication, right?

All relationship problems- miscommunication, and misunderstanding. That's why it's important to understand a person- how they operate.

Even people who love psychology suck at actually understanding some people.

The problem is especially understanding people who just operate and are different from us.

That's where people just, without knowing, assume everyone is the same, and a lot of miscommunication/misunderstanding which lead to hurt feelings and relationship problems- happen.

It may take a little bit to convince me sometimes, to ease my worries, but with logical arguments, with honesty, truth, and a kind heart, I can be open and understand.

But once I'm convinced, I'm convinced. Even if I don't explicitly say, "I'm convinced," you'd know because the worry, stress, and conversation is gone or I go into thinking mode.

People assume I never try to listen or understand, but I'm constantly trying to understand. It's not that I don't want to understand or listen to other perspectives- but people get offended at having your own opinions and thoughts when they share their own.

Those who will love you, will always try to ease your worries. Valid concerns. Things, life, is hard sometimes. Especially in this day and change. Checking to make sure things are right, what opinions and thoughts exist, especially if you don't agree with the world on something, is this person different? Or are they like the rest? You know, that type of thing?

Haha, it's like checking someone. It's like making sure. I mean...I am a thorough person, to which it is important (it should be important to everybody).

Even the PhDs in psychology will not understand some people. It's too easy not to.

You could live with someone all your life, and never realize somethings about them, never analyze when you get upset, if they never tell you or explain to you how they are...

Is part of it trust issues? Probably, but also the way the world is these days...

Of course, you are going to be most selective with the person you are thinking of marrying, then with the random friend you can have (even best friend). It's a completely different thing. I will write about this more later/separately in a later blogpost...

Being the most selective...being the most open...all of that opens you up to so much more pain.

We hurt the ones we love most, ever heard of that?

Once it's figured out though...all I care about is him.