Karma

There’s a series of AJR songs that I think are a little bit more summery- so I might write about them as we get closer to summer. Even if, right now, it’s March (March 5th as I’m writing this), so like basically officially spring, and the weather is already getting warmer and nicer. But, we are still only (and at the same time, already!) halfway through the semester! Almost, if there’s about 15, and we’re on week 7. Some of the ones I feel like I might write later about is “Bummerland” (definitely since it’s like literally about summer).

There’s a few others, that somehow just remind me of summer, so I think a closer publication date would be more appropriate. Also I don’t know if I’m remembering this correctly, because I didn’t exactly listen to AJR all that much until recently, but I do feel like they were published in the summer.

Although in Bummerland, I think part of the lyrics are talking about before summer. So maybe I do still have to do it before summer. We shall see, I guess. It will all be about feel.

Others ones that remind me of summer are “Way Less Sad” (published at the same time/album as Bummerland I think, because they have the same album cover). Maybe “Yes I’m a Mess” as well. I don’t know what it is about these songs that remind me/make me think of summer so much. Maybe it’s the beat? The hype up-beat is summery? His voice? The album cover? The sadness/sad summer topics?

Anyway, I think the song I’m going to analyze in this blogpost is Karma. It, as so many of the songs do, also relates pretty well to my life right now (by analyzing the lyrics!)

“I’ve been so good, I’ve been helpful and friendly

I’ve been so good, why am I feeling empty?

I’ve been so good, I’ve been so good this year

I’ve been so good, but it’s still getting harder

I’ve been so good, where the hell is the karma?

I’ve been so good, I’ve been so good this year”

This relates to me in the sense that, it feels like I’ve not necessarily done something so bad to deserve all the outcomes I’ve been getting. But still, indeed I get them.

In fact, I feel like it’s the complete opposite, with how I’ve put so much effort in. Over the course of such a prolonged time, I have tried so hard. Always my best, you know? Where the hell is the karma?

So why am I feeling empty? Why am I left with nothing?

I’ve been so good, with always doing my schoolwork, turning everything, and trying my hardest/best. And is it getting harder? Yes. Things only continue in one direction, and it’s not the positive one.

“Why

Are you asking me why?

My days and nights are filled with disappointment

Fine

Oh no, everything’s fine

I’m not sure why I booked today’s appointment”

This is probably the part of the song where I realized that it was formulated like this guy was at a therapist appointment, and I thought it was very cool. The image I visualize at this point of the song is that the patient is sitting in front of the therapist (think of a two person table across style). The therapist is asking the patient a question, but the patient does not realize. The patient is busy staring at something and zoning out, completely not hearing the therapist. But somehow some part of the patient snaps back to reality and the patient says “Why….? Are you asking me why?” Obviously the exact context of the situation/question asked right before that (like what the “why”) is about is not known because this is a song, not a story. Songs are more selective (with lyrics, and phrases, and commas, rhythm, not sentences, paragraphs, and whole essays like in a novel). But whatever the question was, the answer is “my days and nights are filled with disappointment.” The next part that’s like, “fine, oh no everything’s fine,” I can’t tell if that is meant to be right after the previous line. Or if this is another answer to another question, somewhere down the road in the appointment? Maybe it was even the first question. Maybe everything is jumbled and out of order. But I like the line “I’m not sure why I booked today’s appointment.” It is a good ending, and it’s placement is good after the “fine” sequence. Because it’s like ironic. You’re saying you’re “fine” zoning out, and also not knowing why you booked today’s appointment. But if you were fine…you’d probably not book an appointment, right? See the irony?

“Why

Am I normal or not?

Am I crazier than other patients?

Right

I’ve done everything right

So where’s the karma, doc? I’ve lost my patience”

Chronologically, this paragraph is not right after the one I just quoted. I’m only quoting select paragraphs I feel like writing about. But this follows along with the therapist theme. Instead this time focusing on “Am I crazier than other patients?” HIPPA, lol! The doc can’t answer that.

Losing patience. I too feel like last semester, with all my waiting, I lost my patience. The horrible thing with patience though, is it doesn’t care if you lose it or not. If you have to wait, you have to wait regardless. Patience doesn’t care. Patience doesn’t care about you. It’s on its own timeline, and you just have to deal with it, that’s all.

“Cause I’ve been so good, I’ve been working my ass off

I’ve been so good, still, I’m lonely and stressed out

I’ve been so good, I’ve been so good this year

I’ve been so good, but it’s still getting harder

I’ve been so good, where the hell is the karma?

I’ve been so good, I’ve been so good this year”

I too, feel like I’ve been working my ass off.

“I’ve been so good, still, I’m lonely and stressed out.” I haven’t mentioned it, but I love the formatting of these songs and the lyrics so much. The commas are so good too. Like the placement of all of them, along with the words. And the rhythm and beats are great. Everything sounds so good together. Like poetry, but it doesn’t rhyme and is honestly probably only better for it. I too, feel lonely and definitely stressed out.

I have a fear of people leaving. And now I am the person leaving. How do you think that makes me feel? But it’s all against my will, and I have no control over it. I’m just scared of ending up alone. I feel like somehow I do it all to myself. Put myself in situations, or just the situations I end up in.

“Time

I know we’re out of time

But what if sad thoughts come and I can’t stop it?

Bye

I don’t wanna say bye

If only I could keep you in my pocket”

This is such a good part to the whole therapist-analogy. “Time- I know we’re out of time.”

“To give me some diagnoses of why I’m so hollow

Please, give me instructions, I promise I’ll follow

I try to explain the good faith that’s been wasted

But after an hour, it sounds like complaining

Wait, don’t go away, can I lie here forever?

You say that I’m better, why don’t I feel better?

The universes works in mysterious ways

But I’m starting to think it ain’t working for me

Doctor, should I be good, should I be good this year?”

This part is sung fast and an absolute banger epic ending to the song. The patient is begging the therapist to help understand why they’re feeling this way. This I find interesting because I feel like what I mostly see in this day and age is people apprehensive of therapists’ and their advice. But this particular patient, in my opinion, then, is just so done with life that they just want answers from this therapist- from someone- from anyone. And it feels nice to see someone giving credit to a doctor…they went through a lot to get to the point where they can treat you.

“After an hour it sounds like complaining.” Yes- exactly. I often feel like I can’t talk about the situation too many times or then it’s too much. It’s too annoying. It sounds like complaining, I guess. And maybe that’s just cause it is. But that doesn’t make it better or right in my opinion. Like that means, that maybe I should just not do it.

“You say I’m better, why don’t I feel better?” So many people tell me it will be okay, and be better, but I’ve already given you so many arguments of how I don’t think this is the case (read other blogposts).

“But I’m starting to think it ain’t working for me” lowk Russian people made to suffer (another blogpost).

The last line is a banger.

“Doctor, should I be good, should I be good this year?” Did I mention how I love all the mention of “doctors” haha. No I haven’t. But that’s my shit. Medicine, understanding people, psychology. I enjoy all that stuff. If I didn’t enjoy psychology, do you really think I’d be writing so much? Do you think I would write as much as I do?

But this last line ties in perfectly with the title of the song and what the entire song is about. Just brief summary can be that the person is trying their best and getting no deserved outcome or results. Karma. So is it even worth it? I ask myself the same question everyday.