Marriage

Do you believe in soulmates?

One soulmate, just for everybody?

One person for somebody...for everybody?

...

Just one person?

What about if one dies...?

Then what?

Is the other pair, let's say, supposed to never move on, stay loyal to their one true love, humbly, or are they supposed to move on? And in that way, perhaps find somebody else?

Then say they did that, is that second person then, the person truly meant for them, that is their true soulmate? Not the person before, who died?

And somehow, their soulmate was actually an interesting, inevitable, puzzle and trap, a path they were forced upon...their fate...it was a whole maze to find their soulmate...because it wasn't the first person...died...it was the second person...?

At the same time, if I ever do get married, I can hardly imagine myself moving on, because if I ever do get married, that person would have to be so great I feel like, that how could I?

It's not even that I believe I deserve someone great, it's just that, somehow, I can't imagine myself marrying someone anything less than exceptional...somehow something inside of me craves that and will never settle for less.

I'd rather die alone, and have no problem doing so to be honest. I'd rather be alone than miserable than with someone...meh...ordinary...normal... I don't know... not, the extraordinary I was mentioning.

To be honest I don't even know what I'm saying anymore or how I got on this tangent or if the things I'm saying can even be trusted anymore or if they're even correct.

I first started thinking about this topic, I'm estimating, to when I was about 12 years old.

*I don't remember exactly when, but it was when I first started watching Netflix show Jane the Virgin.

Because the grandma in the show, Jane's grandma, basically has a dilemma when, her living with the truth of how her husband (Jane's grandpa) is dead for a long time already, she is suddenly overcome with the confusing (she is trying to figure out if it's) reality of developing feelings for someone else. She tries to figure out if it's even correct, for her to have had a husband, having had deeply loved him, and then this other person coming around...what to do with him?

At first, the grandma, being a traditional grandma, refrains from her feelings. She is basically in denial. And that's why I wrote she is trying to figure out if it's reality. Because, she might've, as I also did, not necessarily believed these feelings as reality, but as something so confusing, that somehow maybe they were not real...basically they were so wrong...and she was always going to shoo them away anyway, in eternal denial.

I agreed with the traditional grandma that these feelings were wrong. But then, maybe it was in my experience of shows, modernity, show's modernity, or having an inkling for these things, I knew the show was going to turn into around into something that is not actually bad...because in my mind, why else would they have brought it up?

And thus, as the show continued, the grandma's development did too...into believing and understanding that it actually was not bad to move on after her husband's death to someone else.

Her belief became that it was not any less loyal to her husband, nor that it meant that she didn't love him, but that she deserved happiness where her husband was not anymore, and that her husband would've want that to, for her, as if her own desire for happiness alone would not have been enough to convince her.

I never quite knew if I agreed with the show's take on this/the grandma, though I was able to understand and see through the perspective.

And though I still, as I said, could not know if I would do the same, I think I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that God makes it so, even something bad like someone's spouse dying, and that therefore, since I believe in soulmates but that there can only be one soulmate, that second person is the true soulmate and for some reason that had to be realized just like that, through a death:(*