Things that parents should do

I have actually researched parental/children related research a lot. Many projects in school, many focuses of my research. I took AP Seminar, and it was the focus of major research projects of mine. I’ve read so many long peer reviewed academic journals and articles.

Then again this stuff just interests me. I love thinking about how to improve things I guess, but also, parents affect us all. We all have parents, and I think we all, naturally, have moments or things that are parents do (or friends parents) that we then think to ourselves, “oh I would never do that. I would do this differently. See how bad this is.” It’s just a natural part of life, to think these things, to reflect on things. We live and we learn a lot by seeing other people perform actions, say words, and the consequences and feelings that come with both.

It was a pretty monumental moment to me when a former ballet teacher said, “you think that by watching others you don’t learn? Oh how wrong you are, you can learn so much by watching others.” It was a pretty crazy concept to me at the time that I could learn just by looking. Even in terms of ballet, which seems like a basic way to learn a sport.

But of course now it’s a basic concept, and has extended into all areas of my life.

Maybe my fascination with parental concepts also just has to do with my love for children, because I am going into pediatrics after all. And I have had a lot of experience with children. My little brother is a huge example, but being a counselor at camp has provided so much experience. And I only want to learn, grow, and be better for children. The best I could possibly be.

Now, it is never a pleasant feeling, the one we discussed above, when you have that uncanny realization that something your parents are doing is amiss. But I guess light is always at the end of the tunnel. We see something we don’t like, we can do better. We must do better.

Here are things I think parents should do.

1. Cooking. It may seem basic, but in my household was not. While I understand not particularly enjoying the hobby, because I have never been a chef myself and don’t know if I particularly enjoy it, (seems I get too lazy for it particularly), who else is there to cook? It’s a horrible feeling as a child when you are hungry or there is a lack of food. But you know who else it hurts seeing? Your parent physically not wanting to prepare you that food. It’s such a basic nurturing surviving need, and something about a parent refusing or showing discontempt for taking care of it creates a horrible feeling. I don’t know how much they have to pretend, I mean I’d hope they enjoy cooking for their child, but on the contrary, a parent loving creating a meal creates the opposite feeling: overjoyed happiness and like the parent actually cares about the child. I think it is not so much of a problem when the child is younger, as they don’t have the brain cells for cooking and it would be dangerous and unhealthy for them to even attempt (as in, they could hurt themselves and their meal would probably be hazardous itself). They don’t know safe cooking measures. How to use equipment or how to cook meat, how to avoid diseases, all of that. I think parents start to get lazy when the child gets older. And though I understand it, and it cannot be worse than a younger child, I still disagree with this approach. Children have other focuses like school jd figuring out their life. Parents, though they have jobs, signed up for the parental one as well. And cooking is a basic skill for a basic survival need.

2. Going along with the food theme: grocery shopping. Especially if the child is not the one cooking, now are they to know what to buy? Both of these just give me abandonment issues. Not cooking for your child and making them buy groceries actually makes me physically feel a lack of love. A reversal of roles, and damage to the child.

And besides, if you’re a good parent, wouldn’t you want to be in control of what your child is buying to eat and intaking?

3. Paying for their university. I actually cannot understand parents who force their children to pay for their own education. That is when I can tell that their child’s education is not a priority to the parents. Priorities are flying out of order! Who has the big job, who makes the money? The parents! Because how can you even expect your child to focus on school, do as well as they can in school, if they actually have to focus on getting a full time job in order to pay for the very expensive tuition? Something has to go, something will be comprised. Their grades? Their entire future? It’s like parents ever stop working. Parents make so much money, and I understand houses, cars, and bills are all expensive but universities are like houses themselves. To put that stress, along with the university education itself, is the biggest burden I can think of. What’s the point of a parent even working? Wouldn’t you want to make it as easy and possible for your child to get the best grades, the education, and job of their dreams? Majorly shaking my head.

4. Now, this point is similar to the last in the sense that it also has to do with children’s success. Besides education, parents should be willing to pay for their children’s activities such as sports, music lessons, extra academic support, and anything else along these lines or as it comes up as needed. And, they should be willing to drive their children to these events as well.

5. Handle things such as clothing the child, and making sure they have everything. I don't believe that these responsibilities, as well as the ones above, should fall on anyone else, even within the family.

6. Handle appointments, and overall tasks that the parents should do (and are expected to do, that's why oftentimes there's questions within these calls/applications specifically directed to the parents; and questions/answers only they would know. Like for example, some question about insurance, or water utility company. I'm just making these up. And that should tell you something: who society expects to handle these things).

Some of these might sound like common sense and I would breathe a sigh of relief if they do. But believe me, not to all parents they are.

But these are just my opinions. Each family, let alone person, is different. Including the way they choose to handle certain things/situations. And either way sometimes in life, you just have to accept that even if you don't agree with it. You can't force someone to understand...anything really. Nor do I think it is fair to burden them with your own expectations, and what you think is right. The most you can do, is speak your mind. Either way as a child, you are forced to live under your parent's roof and rules. For better or for worse.