When someone’s just themselves…

This idea was also stacked away on the shelf but I got inspired when I watched a YouTube video yesterday.

See????? People say you can’t learn from YouTube, unless it’s some gardening documentary or John Green crash course (fun fact: at the beginning of summer I watched these for fun. It brought me back to sophomore/junior year of high school when I took AP Euro and APUSH. I remember after my busy 2nd semester schedule, how weird it was to have TIME? To RELAX? That I didn’t know how to not use my time purely for school purposes and learning, or how to feel productive otherwise. Or how to feel like I could rest and that could be productive. But you know what they say: rest is productive. We need rest). But I learn from YouTube, all while it’s fun, I’m relaxing, and still learning, thinking, and reflecting. Just skill issue.

This is a theory I myself have developed and thought of. That when you’re yourself, you’re ever more attractive to people. And if you’re confident in that person that you are, what you do, the choices you make, what you say, how you think and approach situations, in all senses: WHO YOU ARE, even more so. Even more so if you actually like yourself, you know what you like and stick to your truth/authenticity/who you are, without any regard to what other people think. You glow differently, and it’s also a relief to not care about what other people think anymore.

The YouTube video I watched was about 32 (I think?) year old girl who was talking about the struggle of dating in her 30s, especially in the area where she lives (LA). In the video she was doing a lot of comparisons of dating, her confidence level and issues, etc when she was in her 20s versus now in her 30s. Comparing and contrasting, basically. And one of the things was that her confidence was very low in her 20s, so she said she couldn’t even imagine dating in her 20s like in a long-term relationship. Aka, how it would’ve ever worked out. It wouldn’t’ve, she said. Because she said, you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.

That last particular line I remember thinking about a little bit when she said it in the video. Is that really true? On one hand, again, you do have to be somewhat content with yourself, I agree with her on that. But then, to another extent, you can love other people, without necessarily loving yourself too much. Like that is possible. But maybe what she means more is that it would just not work out long term. Debatable..you would just self-sabotage maybe (another blog post on this blog).

The part of the video I am most focused on in this blog post is basically a confirmation of everything I’ve thought. In the video, she was surprised she said when she was most herself, more confident than ever, knew what she wanted, how people came FLOCKING to her. She had options, and multiple guys she could talk to.

So interesting how when we try to be like other people, as we so often do, that doesn’t seem to work out as well, does it? But when we’re ourselves? Another thing she said was very true: you can only even FIND your right person if you’re truly being yourself. Now that makes sense. Maybe all she means is that you have to know who you are.

And another reason I believe this is because I’ve personally experienced proof of it myself in my own life. But with an interesting grain of salt. The days that I feel better about myself than others it’s as if others notice and appreciate it more too, and I feel like more people say nice things. But what’s shocking is that even when I feel horrible, I still sometimes feel so much attention, as if there’s this big contrast between the low end of how I feel and the high end of how I’m perceived. It’s really strange and uncanny, like something of another planet almost. Almost reminds me of that psychological term of where it’s like the dissociative disorder, you’re watching your life as an outsider. You view a disconnection of sorts. You can’t understand it, you also can’t leave it. I mean there are certain things you can do to leave it, but it’s not easily done.

This overthinking phenomenon can get you in a different way too. It’s related to other people. When you think other people are so mad at you, hate you, antagonize you but really it’s just your own overthinking that made you feel this way, and now there’s a huge gap of what you think others are perceiving, feeling, thinking, related to you, versus what’s actually going on. Can be kind-of bad, and lead to a lot of confusion.

So again it must be some kind-of balance. You can overthink yourself into feeling horrible (!) A huge thing for me. Even when you’re not meant to or supposed to feel horrible (demons can get you). But that certain overthinking overpool doesn’t come across to people, because it’s your own personal demons you’re fighting inside that they can’t see, so they still perceive in that overall pretty positive light.

It would be much easier to understand with a picture, but I’m also not the best artist or at least have never considered myself to be by conventional standards. Like how other people like their art, neat and perfect, isn’t my “neat and perfect.”