Time

Dear blog,

Somehow, I have not written anything today. What’s shocking to me about that is how I still don’t seem to have time, even over break.

Time, is the key word. That’s what I wanted to write about.

Time has been on my list to write about, since at some point this semester.

Time is a very shocking concept to me. Time is always moving, never stopping. It can be stressful to think about. There is no pause. There is no break. And at the same time, it’s a calming thing too, because it’s a constant (which sounds ironic, since I just said it’s always changing). Yes, time is always changing. In math, it is never a constant, and always a variable.

But it’s constant in that sense that it is always changing, and at the same pace, too (even if it seems to us otherwise). But in reality no. The always, and the same pace, is what makes it constant. We are not in a math problem right now, ok. We are in the life problem.

It is weird how sometimes we feel we have too much time, like on breaks (generally speaking), we have time to relax. Or, sometimes we feel we have no time, and that time is escaping us. This is how I feel during the semester, for example. Because it is genuinely insane. I’ll wake up, leave the dorm, and not come back until late. All that time in between is just gone, but it was spent productively. Going to classes, or going somewhere to study and do homework. There is basically nothing else somehow filling that time. Sure, thoughts, thinking, and music. But not really relaxation at all. Like for example, no doom-scrolling. This might be a separate blog post, but I deleted Instagram at this point, maybe like 4 months ago (I don’t know, can’t do math) and haven’t looked back since. I didn’t really spend much time on there anyway, because, I didn’t have time to do so. I was too busy with school. It was taking all my time.

This studious life is my life during the semester. At least, the past two have been that way (my first semester ever, was pretty chill in comparison. I had time for relaxation, I just had nothing to compare it to…yet). And yes I guess it would be little unfair to say that I don’t relax at all during the semester, but really the only time would be like at the very end of the day, when I’m already in bed, right before trying to sleep. Often, I’m just too tired. Ever since deleting Instagram, that time is very chill and not filled with everything bad that social media has to offer (though I never liked doom-scrolling, but I still don’t like the anxiety or whatever other aspects, I’m not going to get into that here and have already written about them). Maybe just a show or making a collage.

This studious lifestyle is also the one that surrounds the people I’m with. I can recall so many of my studious-likewise friends saying, “I have no time for anything.” Time is all around us, encompassing us, and yet it’s true. I’ve felt it too. Life used to be slower. A slower lifestyle. But now, in modern America, it’s a very fast paced environment. A lot is demanded, and a lot you must do to keep up in this world.