A letter

This song is on a different level of pettiness, I hope you're happy, but it's the song that relates the most to the situation at present (it's been years).

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In pain. Play this as you read:

To those that left,

It hurts that you left. It hurts that you decided to leave, decided something wasn't right, after so many years of knowing you, trusting you, talking with you, laughing with you...

If you think it doesn't affect me, that I don't think about it...

Shi- I think about it everyday. I miss you.

It's worse than any other type of ending. The lack of communication hurts me. I think I'm wrong about it everyday. I think because I still think about it, I was so wrong. The decision I decided to make still haunts me.

And it's crazy. Maybe not so crazy myself knowing me, but crazy to think that you probably don't even care at all. You're probably unaffected, completely fine, and so over it already. Been over it a long time ago.

I try to let go, but it's hard when regret seems to haunt me.

I think it's all my fault, but then I think about how you also let go.

It scares me to think about what your mind could've twisted this situation to mean. That I'm the one who doesn't want it. That I'm the one who left. When really, I never wanted that. I never wanted to leave.

And now, no matter which way I twist, there's no way to turn. There's no turning back, there's no going back, and it's all so over, so broken, in a way that almost certainly can never be repaired.

That gives me a certain peace.

It's crazy to think about how ready we both were to jump out. So am I just the crazy one who cares?

I know I can't force you to want to be friends with me, but it hurts.

Call it petty, I don't care, but I hope you regret it. After nothing bad happening, and you just deciding to leave, and me being the only one caring and trying to fix things over and over again, to make you happy...it makes me think you were the problem. You were probably so much so the problem that in your mind you twisted it to be me the one who wanted to end things. Oh how ready you were.

I hope you regret it when you see my name in years to come, when you see a fancy degree, a fancy doctor, a fancy life. A fancy private jet, a mid car cause I don't care about cars, happiness. Goals reached. Goals exceeded. I'm not trying to impress you, I don't care what you think, anymore.

Maybe you think I'm talking too much ahead. That I won't accomplish all that. Well maybe, sure. Who knows the future, right? I could die tomorrow. I could die in the next second. I could die as I'm typing this...

But these have been my dreams forever, and I think you know that. I think you know just how motivated I am. Look how much I have accomplished already. Without you.

It just hurts that you didn't want me the way I wanted you.