Accepting who you are…

I feel like this is crazy concept to try to understand or master when you are younger. It is so hard not to judge yourself, isn’t it? Or to compare yourself….

Your brain is just simply not developed enough yet to understand hard concepts, and life concepts too. Or an understanding of who you are.

But now that I am older, and I feel this constant cloud (getting worse, scarier, bigger, and gloomier by the hour, though…so, especially bad now…) of doom hanging over me, more than ever, I feel like acceptance is an integral (calculus) part of my life understandings, now…

If I’m dumb, I can accept that. If I get bad grades, I can accept that. (Of course I try my best for this not to be the case…but there must be a limit to everything, right?) If I’m ugly, I can accept that too. Certainly if I have accept something so important to me such as intellect, I could accept something as stupid and indifferent as an outside shell or cover.

This idea of there being a limit is what I seem to keep bumping into again and again. And it’s becoming more apparent and clear. As well as the idea of acceptance.

Acceptance can be hard. It is hard. And for many people it is. Sometimes people can’t accept things about yourself that even you have already accepted.

Because acceptance is basically fighting a demon. It’s facing reality. It’s coming to terms with that reality. It’s not being a coward. Taking it as it is. Whatever it means. Living with it, dealing with it.

How I will live and go on, and what I will do, I have no idea.

But accepting yourself, and being okay with yourself, however much you might hate yourself…this is something I believe and deem to be important. I truly believe, and know, that it is. Because I also know that I could not live and would go crazy without this.

Even the worst reality, you must accept. Especially if it’s you, about you, or tied to you somehow. However else can you live on…? Or live with yourself? If you haven’t accepted the basic, the important, the astounding facts of you…or your life…If you haven’t accepted the elephants in your rooms (aka = in your life)

Sure it’d be nice to smart. To be happy. But, acceptance. Acceptance. Is key. A sort of peace comes with acceptance. That’s the key. That no matter the reality, or how terrible, a sort of acceptance, a sort of peace, is the only way you can live and get some sense of peace. A very important sense of peace, that I don’t know how a person could go living on without, or how a person would even- not go insane.

I’m terrified, but, as much as I am terrified, perhaps not everything has to be so terrible. Many there is some…excitement within the terrifying? And maybe this is why I have such an obsession with things other people deem terrible. Is this why I have been chosen to take upon great suffering? Because it certainly feels that way. Did I bring this upon myself, or is it just who I am? No control over, but as a consequence, this was brought upon.