At least I tried my best.

I keep telling myself,

At least I tried my best.

If everything comes crashing down, and my world starts burning,

At least I tried my best.

If I stay in bed all day, and cry all day,

At least I tried my best.

If I never recover from this,

At least I have the comfort of knowing,

I tried my best.

And if it scars for the rest of my life,

At least I tried my best.

I have that comfort of knowing, because as it literally says on the top of this blog, “try your best.” And also, trying your best, is actually all you can do. It’s actually the most you can do.

Think about it. What more can you do? That is the max. The cap. The limit (it’s giving calculus).

I tried very hard. I worked very hard.

Will it be enough?

Again, that remains to be seen.

When I feel like my fate is laughable and I want to break down crying, at least I tried my best. When I feel nervous, sweaty hands, and beating heart, checking exams, checking decisions, AT LEAST I FUCKING TRIED MY BEST!

Like I said with the hands, and with the fate.

It used to be in my hands…but then again, was it ever? (The fate with school argument-different blog post). But no matter what…it definitely is not anymore. Was it nice? Or was it not nice? Will be nice, knowing I had control, knowing I could’ve messed it up, and it’s all on me, and my fault, when I’m checking?

AT LEAST I TRIED MY BEST.

Either way, that choice and chance was ripped out of my hands.

People just keep saying the words to me, “but you gotta stay”

And I just keep hearing these words out of my mouth, “it’s not in my control.” But I want to! Sure I want to! There’s nothing more I want in the world!

Because it’s not. It’s not in my control. My fate rests in someone else’ hands right now, and I just hope they see. I just hope, they might the right choice. Because there is a right choice. I deserve to stay. I should stay. I belong to stay. This should have never even happened in the first place. So please God. I just keep praying in church every Sunday, and every night before I struggle to go to sleep. Please let it be enough. People, please make the right choice.