Challenge myself

Another thing I’ve realized is that I love to, and need to, challenge myself. I crave challenges, and I don’t think I could survive without them, or if my life didn’t constantly consist or be full of them, including my career path.

I remember in 6th grade, my English teacher was going on this rant about challenges. I’m not sure what his point was. That most people were lazy, and didn’t like to challenge themselves? I remember he asked for a show of hands who liked to challenge themselves, or maybe it was an invitation to who wanted to do the more challenging thing…of some sort…but the point is the question.

I think he was calling to a human nature to laziness, to avoid challenges. Because I guess…that is “smoother” and “nicer.” I do believe in that human nature. Don’t know who or what put it there…must be just the line of sinfulness that is inevitably there.

But when I imagine anything less than a challenge, I instantly get bored, instantly feel unfilled, like I’m not doing enough, doing the most, feel purposeless, and that to me, is more terrifying than anything or any challenge. I don’t quite know why that has always been my predisposition.

That’s the basis and explanation behind my career choice too. I cannot imagine a boring job, a boring day of work, where the routine is the same and it’s mundane. I cannot envision surviving. I need new cases, patients, and challenges everyday, to grow, to explore. And nothing will ever be the same. Yes that’s with a grain of salt, because things shouldn’t always be evolving, like to a crazy earthquake extent, and some things should stay the same or should have some sort of pattern or routine (because that’s stability, and also how we stay sane). Lol, imagine if there was an earthquake everyday or an earthquake one day, a hurricane the next, a tornado the third, a tsunami the fourth, etc. Yeah that’s an example of how things shouldn’t change that much.

Even though it’s hard, even though it can be unpleasant, even though it can screw me over to the extent that it might rip everything, my entire major, career, and everything I’ve worked for, I can’t without it.

If I’m not struggling over a physics problem for hours and confused, staring at it for hours, trying different new things, trying to understand, having questions, to the point where my eyes burn from staring at the same problem and head hurts from wracking my brainpower for and trying to work through all the different possibilities of what could be…