End of year GOALS (2025)

At the end of any given year, comes the inevitable question:

SOoOOOO….

How did I do?!

I’d say, pretty well.

One of my goals was to learn the Rachmaninov song. What I didn’t realize is how difficult it would be to play it at the level I wanted to play it at (I’m a perfectionist) without my teacher. And also, that the conditions I had to learn it were quite terrible and impossible for me as well. Obviously, I don’t have a piano in the dorm. There is a piano in a random room, but this room is like a study room. As you can see, already not good. Additionally, it is public. Also not good for practice. For one, I don’t like playing in front of other people. And two, it makes me feel like I have to play something I already know, not just practice. It makes me automatically go concert-mode, which I don’t even appreciate.

Another goal of mine was splits. And, similarly, I feel like it’s awkward to stretch in the dorm when you have a roommate. Maybe it’s not, maybe I’m being dumb. Maybe this is something I can change for the future. I just don’t like to feel like I have to explain myself or weird…like I’m doing something wrong (even though I’m definitely not doing anything wrong, and if anything, doing something right and bettering myself by doing it).

So when I say I did pretty well, I mean in the conditions I was given, I did what I could while staying true to myself and thriving. And I’m not mad about it, or mad at myself for making the choices I did. Because I know myself, I know the way I am (for these things) and think it’s okay and justified in my opinion. If there’s something I don’t like about myself I actively work at it. Some things I don’t think are problems, just human nature ( my human nature). And with these types of things, you just kind-of deal with it and it’s okay.

Also, consider the fact that when I wasn’t under these conditions (basically in the dorm, at university, in prison) and was instead at home, I was actually thriving at my goals. I was stretching and practicing piano everyday and multiple times a day and making progress at both! So I really do blame it on environment and am not making excuses, not that I need to justify myself in front of anyone. It also matters what I think about myself and my own goals and how bad I want them. And how okay I am with them and with myself.

Another goal was to finish Сын человеческий. I did in fact do that. I did that right after the new year barely had time to hit. It was still winter break, and my second semester of school didn’t even start yet. And I did read more Russian literature. OH YEAH I DID. Dostoevsky- Crime and Punishment, Brothers Karamazov. And about 100 Chekhov stories, if not more…

Where to go from here, with these goals, and with goals for the new year? I chose good goals, long term goals, that I want to continue…But sometimes, goals need to be revised, dropped, or added; what’s the case here?

I don’t know if I just need to accept that song fate (without a teacher). But I WILL practice piano this winter break, I WILL stretch. It was just those conditions…

And, surprising even myself, even after very quickly reading a 700 and than a 1000 page novel, I WILL immediately (without even taking a break) continue reading Russian literature. Extending into more Dostoevsky and Tolstoy and even Turgenev (read Winter Break plans for more specifics….)

I will also, become a nerd, apparently. Because for some reason have this fire for organic chemistry now. It’s kind-of like my thing. Must be in my genes, since my parents have P.h.D.s. So I want to read these big ahh organic chemistry textbooks. For fun! And some physics too. And perhaps other subjects. We shall see! I have even already taken my Organic Chemistry one final, and still felt the desire to study even after it (I didn’t feel like I finished studying what I was studying right before). I just enjoy it idk guys I’m a nerd what can I say.

This extends into some other winter break plans (which it seems like in university, taking into account and reflecting on the last school year, last semesters, and last winter break…basically do end up being my exact new year goals as well…) Because good goals…well frankly they’re not stupid and you do them right away. Why, wait? You want them, right?