How hard music hits

I just kind-of realized, how hard music hits, only literally in the WORST OF conditions.

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Do I just like suffering? What is wrong with me? Why am I so obsessed with sad music?

In just a few short weeks, my life might be changed.

It would be an understatement to say, this semester has been hard. It has been torture, to watch things fall apart, be “patient” in this torturous way.

Sure, patience is virtue, and patience is one thing.

When people say this, and when they talk of patience, they mean, patience for something good.

This isn’t that. This is patiently wait for the worst thing that could possibly happen. So yeah, it’s not fun. It’s not easy. And it sure doesn’t feel very virtuous to me. No part of it, lol.

So, even though it has been hard, I do feel like one good thing has been the music. I mean, I have made a “give up music” playlist. Sure, it’s not a happy playlist, and I’m not necessarily “happy” listening to my music or thinking about what it means. But in a different way, yes its music, sad music like I like it, so it does make me happy? Well, music is just special. Sad music and my love for it is also special. After being through something hard, is it the same? No it’s not the same at all. Only people who have been through something that was truly hard for them, who were healed by music, and who could relate to sad music, would understand this. It’s a truly special and deep connection.

What I’m saying is, I liked my sad music even before this stuff started happening, but now, it’s such a deeper, healing connection. It’s more a mutual understanding of lyrics, even.

But I think about what could happen, and if it’s bad, music might not even heal. Not even music might heal then. Because maybe, to listen to music, even the saddest music, you need a little hope? (“It won’t get this bad; it’s not this bad; there’s still hope”) and that’s what makes it bearable?

Or maybe, it will hit even harder. And you will just cry while listening to music, instead of just calmly listening to it before.

I don’t know which way it’ll go, or what’s going to happen, but I’ll find out quite soon enough.