How trauma shapes us (with examples)

The concept of trauma shaping us may seem common sense, but in my case, it's actually really legendary. The concept itself may seem simple, but once you see all the little ways it affects you THAT YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE you can never go back.

In my life, as probably many people have, I have had a lot of friend issues.

In 9th grade, I was friends with these two girls. I didn't have the same lunch at school (there's two) as all my other school friends so I was forced to find new friends to sit with. Luckily I became friends with friends of friends. For all of freshman year, I was best friends with these girls. I was constantly shocked at how much they seemed to CARE and listen to me. They listened to all my struggles, my craziness, and obsessions. In fact, they helped feed them (in a positive way). I read a romance book and became obsessed with romance. The book is called Tell Me Three Things.

After reading the book, I wanted so badly to, as was done in the book, anonymously email someone who I thought was interesting or had a crush on. Luckily, there was such a person at the time too. I started emailing this guy...and my friends...well they just supported me. We had fun. We emailed every day at school to pass the time (a passing of time that is very common at my school, that my other friends find silly).

But what did it all end at? As a joke "mad," (the reasoning is something completely unrelated that I don't remember anymore) I left our Messages group chat one day. I was being dramatic on purpose and found it funny. I never planned to leave forever of course. Just...well idk. Anyway, but since the group chat was just the three of us, I had to add someone TO the group chat in order to LEAVE it myself. So I added a different friend who was well...confused. But she was confused especially at what happened next. In the course of a couple of hours, the two girls made a parody of a REALLY mean song about me. It was a parody of Olivia Rodrigo's "Good 4 U." I don't remember all the lyrics, I probably tried to block it out of my mind as much as I could (which is good). I do remember a few though. I remember the therapist and "you've been working on yourself" part was kept in. I have never had a therapist. LOL. And frankly I found the suggestion that I need one insulting in the way it was used in this song. 😐...

You may be thinking, what if this song was just a joke? The truth is, I thought that may be too. But after reading, I knew for sure there is no way it could be a joke. It was just MEAN. I felt like crying. I could not believe, that, the girls that I was shocked cared about me more than anybody else ever had, actually had monstrous assumptions about me and found me annoying, clearly.

What I remember for sure, were all the assumptions.

You only talk about yourself.

You don't care about anyone else.

You think you're better than everybody else.

You're proud.

It's kind-of comical how wrong someone could be. And these weren't the first times I have received these assumptions either. Not to get autobiographical, but I was so insecure. There's no need to get into it. I cared about them and everybody else so much. I did NOT think I was better. I was always so hard on myself! Am.

The funniest part is, that it was all made up too. I mean obviously, that's how assumptions work, but I mean that I always would ask what was going on in their lives and how they were. I always tried. To get them to talk. I, too, knew I was talking the most. But not because I wanted to, because whenever I would ask, they had nothing to say. I would be like, "Are you sure?" What about this? What about that? Nothing. Dryness. And I did this because I cared. And because I understand how a relationship works. And because I felt like I was talking too much and I never think I'm better than anyone. So what the heck?

Only someone who negatively needs attention would act the way these girls acted.

Here's the "how" trauma shapes us. So now, I always feel like people don't care. Because it has happened too many times. Which is why I always feel the need to clarify these things. Which is why I unconsciously think sometimes, "Do they care? Or do they think I'm annoying?"

However, I have learned, that our gut is stronger than we think it is. If we are questioning if someone cares, investigate this. Clearly, my gut was telling me things too.

I don't know why people assume this about me but I don't care. I don't have to prove anything to anyone, and I'm just going to live my life as best as I possibly can. Hopefully, someday, some kind person won't assume.

Let me know in the comments if you would like to know more about what happened next...