“I love my life”

Love is a strong word, and so is hate.

I have to say, the feelings I am describing to you right now surprise me maybe just as much or even more than you as the reader.

In my blog, I tell about my life and lately, I don’t think my life has been very happy. There are a lot of difficult things going on right now.

And somehow, even these struggles, with these life, I just can’t help but feel grateful, and feel as if I wouldn’t want anything different than what I have, even if what I’m getting in life right now is lowkey shitty and bringing me pain.

No matter what, there will always be happy things in life, that make it so much better, and that makes it worth it.

Wow, so much positivity coming from me it almost hurts to type it out. Sometimes I don’t know if I even believe myself, the things I say. But it’s coming, and I do believe it’s coming from the heart (not just fingers typing).

Don’t get me wrong, things are definitely hard and they hurt. I don’t think my life is very admirable.

However this is the path I chose, and the path I chose I love so much, that that love just seems to conquer all. No matter what, even if I feel broken, I still have my dreams, and I will still keep going towards them. No matter the curveballs life throws at me (and boy did I not see any of this coming).

This weird sensation, of still somehow feeling like I love, and wouldn’t change anything, was maybe first unlocked by redownloading Instagram. It made me realize. Obviously, like I’ve said, comparing my shitty life to others, it’s nothing glorious. But it’s exactly then when I realized this all. No, I’m happy with the decisions and life I lead, with the dreams the path it’s taking me, you know? I really would not have done anything differently, even with how things turned out.

1. I know myself, and

2. I was always going to do the harder thing.

I really can’t wait to see, and understand, why everything had to happen this way. Why everything had to happen the exact way in which it did.

I really can’t wait to start seeing some more meaning, purpose, benefits, and positives of it all. Because these two, this and above, is what I’m struggling with. The why. But I will get into it in something separate.

I like challenges, I like staying busy. Yes it’s hard. It’s hard when I have no time for myself. And I do it and I continue to do it and I like it. To me, it’s the only way. The only way I want purposely for myself and for my path in life. I’m not a party girl. I’m a go-go-go do school class-to-class assignment-to-assignment (omg it sounds like paycheck-to-paycheck lmao) and exam-to-exam and be fascinated by shit like statics and mechanics of materials in lecture type-of girl.

Being busy, makes when you have time to yourself (like this, writing) and spending time with other people so much more valuable. Because that time is valuable, special, precious, pricey, and it doesn’t come around all the time.

It’s hard and I still do it. And maybe that’s sometimes what people don’t understand. Just because something is hard, does not mean that you can’t enjoy it. I only enjoy challenges. And when it’s less, I get bored. That’s why I chose the path I chose.

This type of passion can’t die, truly. So even when life feels like shit, I know that deep inside, I have much yet to make right, and so much yet to see. If anything, WHAT THE HELLL

I have so many dreams, I can’t let them go to waste? Life would be pretty awesome if even half of the shit came true. Y’all will see. We’ll make it happen.