I used to think...

1. Pessimism is cool

   1. This was like a phase in middle school. I had a friend who I thought was really cool, and she had this habit of, not even being the most pessimistic person but, everything always seemed hard in her life or going wrong. For some reason I thought was cool. I thought pessimism was kind-of funny, sarcastic, ironic, and would make me stronger. Almost like a shield against life. And I didn't think that pessimism necessarily = despair or the opposite of happiness.

   2. But in reality...pessimism can't lead to happiness. I really don't think. There's a slight balance when yes you can be pessimistic for good reason. There's a good healthy balance of everything. But deep inside, you should be a happy person; pessimism can't give you that. It's all about not what you present to others, but about who you truly feel/who you truly are on the inside.

2. Contentedness = happiness

   1. This is like phase 2 lol, after pessimism.

   2. Now I'm realizing I also don't think contentedness can lead to happiness. In a way it can. But you have to be content enough. The thing is, it's not a well-defined definition, so for every person it'll still be different, what they need for their own happiness. You can't hate yourself, or dislike yourself in a way that you think others are better and you still haven't truly accepted yourself. You have to fully accept yourself (also ill-defined, I know, sorry). Truth is it's different for everyone. My definition and path will 100% not be yours. But I do highly believe you have to figure out what you like (in every sense), look around at the world for inspiration/ figure out what you do't like, reflect and change when necessary, be okay with being different, accept what you can't change, and stay true to that!