Impressions some people have of me that I genuinely don't understand

1. Smart - huuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh I'm literally dumb as fuck bro....look at my grades. I don't know why people think and don't understand. I'm promise I'm like literally dumb. Wish I was smart though. I don't know if I'll be able to become anything I want to be, like I genuinely doubt myself. I don't think I'm smart enough.

   1. And you can agree there's different types of smart so sure let's go through them:

      1. academically - off the top of head - i think i counted 9 ppl who thought this. And I already argued for it. Just becasue I take certain classes doesn't mean anything. You don't know how I'm actually doing in them or what's going through my head (or lack thereof).

      2. emotionally - not empathetic, expressive, or affectionate. Too blunt. Say things. Unfiltered. Which is probably why some of these impressions exist in the first place, ha!

      3. overall average and suck at everything; never excelled at anything; honestly just a big failure imo

2. Pretty - no bro lol just no no explanation needed 🤡

3. Think I'm better than everybody else and try to appear that way (HAHA no I hate myself and I genuinely believe anyone else is better than me, not my place to judge others, that's up to God, it's part of the reason I'm quiet often in group settings; I don't think my opinions or thoughts are good enough). I'm literally such a sinner and awful person, truly. Deep inside I see the parts of me no one does.

4. Self centered - I mean I am living life as a person from my perspective and life and so I feel like that's already inherently self centered but I don't think my life is necessarily worth centering on. The people that always said this I would ask about their lives and they said they didn't have anything so I just yapped. I genuinely don't understand that.

   1. Orthodoxy places a great emphasis on humility though and I never felt proud of who I am; I also try to take after my father.

But I'm trying to be content with who I am. ✌️ Been trying all my life. It might be a lifelong process.

Also you can't change my mind.