Insomnia

Before this summer, I never used to struggle with insomnia. But for some reason, something happened this summer, and it started to become a problem.

I really don’t know what caused it.

I mean, I used to have friends who would make fun of me for going to bed “early.” I never really stayed up. I also physically refused to, for high school, because I had to wake up at like 5:55am everyday. So I feel like that is a totally valid excuse. I don’t remember how early those friends had to wake up for their school, because we went to different schools. But honestly I’m probably guessing and pretty sure: not that early, as early as me.

Then again, since when I had to wake up that early, I would be tired either way when I went to bed, I would stay up.

Then at university this year, I would go to bed around 11 or 12 most days. That’s when I would say “no” to homework no matter how much more I had left or how screwed I was for the next day. Even though I fought for time, I would never be that screwed, because I still have pretty good time management and organization skills from years of preparing for these very moments and tough timing situations.

Especially at the end of the schoolyear, during second semester,

I want to understand what went wrong in the summer. Pretty naturally I started staying up late and wasn’t even able to fall asleep even if I tried/wanted to. That by itself makes no sense. The concept or idea that I would want to sleep, that I was tired, and still couldn’t fall asleep! It’s a pretty miserable state to be in.

The only reason I can think of for this problem would be from last year at camp, because there we go to bed from 12-3am everyday night, and then wake up at 7:45 am, and you’re that way for a month. No exceptions.

It was a hard adjustment my first year. But as soon after that month, I went back to normal schedule. I was tired.

This year, it wasn’t even as hard for me at camp! And I was able to stay up before camp too, and even pull all nighters and then be perfectly functional the next day! I thought slightly it might be good to “prepare” for camp, but that doesn’t even nearly begin to explain this newfound skill or my genuine issue/problem of insomnia, sometimes. Sometimes I fall asleep pretty fast and easily, but other times?

I think it’s a problem of my brain, overthinking, and always working overtime. That will be a separate blog post. But it’s very interconnected to this.

Then again, I can’t complain too much. It’s a skill and a blessing to be able to function for so much time on so little sleep and still be a decent human being (for a month I had to do that). In pretty hard situations, sometimes. And this skilll will become VERY helpful if I am to become a surgeon, for surgeries.