Land of Opportunity 🦅🇺🇸

I feel so disrespectful right now lol.

I think I may or may not have more to say on this topic in the coming months but I wanted to start writing about it now. If anything, later I will continue. As in, update this post or maybe just make a new one.

I used to believe that in America, you can achieve anything. But lately I feel like there are obstacles in front of me that I might just not be enough to tackle. Like not strong nor smart enough to tackle. Ever since coming to university, because there's a good chance I could be not allowed to continue in my major engineering program.

There was a time when I thought that no matter how hard, if you wanted it enough, set your priorities straight, and worked so fucking hard, that you could accomplish it.

And I've wanted this all my life.

Now, I don't know what I believe, but I doubt myself everyday.

There's something about wanting something so bad, and also feeling like it's so right for you, your calling from God, but it seems so hard and impossible somehow. Inevitable, and like you're not enough. I don't know what God's plan is.

I would 100% have an existential crisis. I would be so sad. I would not be doing good.

I'm passionate, but I can't just be passionate about everything.

Maybe I'm just not smart enough; not good enough; and won't accomplish anything.

Maybe it's a myth. The Land of Opportunity. Where there's a will there's a way.

Well there is opportunity, but is it enough?

Well there is a will, but is there a way?

I mean, there's a reason not just anyone can like be an engineer or doctor, right? Like so many people choose different things for themselves. Could they, if they chose? That is the question (Shakespeare).

Are some just predestined to be geniuses, and others idiots?

Is stubbornness not enough? Because I have that. But you to be some special chosen one with a special intellect?

I mean even a professional ballerina: never had natural flexibility, and truly wonder if I had chosen that path, would I have been just, able to?

No matter what I still try my best and keep going, but that doesn't stop these thoughts from flying around in my head.

Either way we'll see. God's plan. I don't know what's going to happen. And though it's terrifying, it's also exciting (well....)