(Life) Support ⛑❤️‍🩹

When someone comes to you with an issue, I think it's fair to say that they not only trust you with that, which is already an incredible honor as a friend, but they also need something from you in return.

It could be as little as actually, you just being a good listener. It could be not even that. Even if you are not a good listener, they might just actually just need to say it, to get it off their chest, to somebody. To anybody. Naturally, as their friend you hold that honor. You basically signed up for such a role with that person. Because that's what friends do. Right? If they didn't, we would say "Oh that's a bad friend. That's not a good friend." This bad-good labeling- implies what we think is right, what that role should be. And if we can imagine someone saying "that's a bad friend" about a particular action, then that's not what we inherently, subconsciously, deep-inside, based on our preconceived notions, think that a friend even is.

It's actually very difficult, even impossible, to know what a person needs at a given moment. They themselves, probably don't even know.

It's hard because each person is different, each person can change, unpredictably to their friend, in every instant, and appear different somehow, probably based on a million different factors. The person, their personality, that particular day and how it's been going for them; so, their perception, and then, how does their friend perceive them, as well as whatever situation their friend is coming to them about? Then, what kinds of things have been happening to the friend, and also, consider all of those factors, but to the person that the friend is coming to.

Yeah, it's kind-of complicated. So it is never on the blame of anyone (as long as they're both just trying to generally be good people, and good friends).

It's hard to know who even needs what. Sometimes you think you need something, and you're actually wrong. You don't need it.

But what I really want this blog post to be about, is to emphasize how far a little support can actually go in a person's life. You actually have no idea. It's almost scary. Once you know, you can believe it and it's almost like a superpower. And all we have to do, is just...basically be kind.

Sometimes you're so uncertain about something, but you want to be able to do it. And if you had the support of your friend, well, it would actually mean the world(now I understand why people say that). It actually does legitimately change your world. With that support, you are able to do that thing. And without it, you can't. Sometimes it really is that simple. The little bit of uncertainty...your friend can fix that. It makes all the difference. Without that support, without being able to do that thing, you are sad. I don't make the rules, it's just the way it is. You think I like this dependency? Absolutely not. And yet, can't it be said that there's something beautiful about it? Well what is a friend for, if not to make us happy, enrich our lives, get us through, grant us support?

It might also teach us humility, to know we can't get through alone. Friends help. Just talking to friends -ginormously helps.

The support can be needed from different people, though. Sometimes it needs to be a mom, and can't just be a friend. Maybe it's because of the particular situation, the closeness of the mom, or the general wisdom that probably she would know best. And you trust her. Trust is key in who we need support from. If we don't trust their opinion or ability to help, we would never even ask, never entrust them with our secrets, and they wouldn't hold the yielding power to help us.

But let's consider a special case. The friend who is so down in the lows, they aren't able to reach out by themselves. They literally feel as if the world is crashing down on the sides of them. Reality is irrelevant, just how it feels. They literally- cannot. It doesn't matter how bad it gets. How bad it gets for them (whatever happens in the situation they are going through). They are not teasing, they are not kidding, they may be acting strange.

Why they cannot reach out for themselves for help? I cannot tell you that. But let's try to consider with the utmost seriousness why that could be.

1. They feel like they are a burden (you cannot stop or prevent a person from feeling this way, in the sense that they will not reach out first). They can't. Because here is what's stopping them. Because they care about you, they would never want you to feel that way. Perhaps they feel like they have already exhausted the option of talking to you.

2. They don't want to reach out- just to complain. It all might feel too attention-seeking. And they would never want to get to a point where you're annoyed of them.

3. Perhaps you are even somehow tied up to their misfortune, and that's another reason for the overall burden. In reality there can be a thousand reasons, not even explainable in words or reason or logic.

4. Saying things makes them real. As you can imagine they don't want it to feel real. They can't even emotionally stable-y think or talk about it, let alone willingly tell you how they feel. When you say things- depending on the intensity of implication of what you say- it is not something you can easily get out of. And the situation- is also probably one you can't see out of. But by saying things, you are signing on to an agreement that you have to say more. Like when you say something, and now you can't get out of it. You must say more. You must explain. If you're in despair, you're not exactly, in a talkative mood. About anything. Anything not to do with it, and most certainly, anything to do with it. Saying things- you have to back yourself up. You cannot just throw (crazy) words around.

It reminds me of the newest season of a show that I watched a long time ago, but, since the new season came out, I continued the show. In this new season (the show is Ginny & Georgia in case it matters), the dad, Zion, of the main character, Ginny, has a new girlfriend: Simone. Ginny's mom, Georgia, is already (re)married. Well Zion and Simone are getting more serious, at least, Zion seems to think so. But Georgia is always in the way, in many ways and for multiple reasons. However that is irrelevant. Zion tells Simone that he loves her. Love is a big theme in the show, truly because the words "I love you" are thrown around a lot, and by teenagers too. But this time specifically, it was by an adult who definitely knew what he was doing. Or saying. And he meant it...right? But Simone didn't seem to think so. Because in conjunction with saying, "I love you," Zion said some other stuff about how she's been so great and calm in this time of trial (no pun intended) with all the stuff going on with Georgia. And Simone's instantly like "nah." Turn-off. Allow me to recreate this next scene after Zion said that. As you can imagine, all of this....are not exact words. A recreation. A gist.

Zion: "Simone....I gotta tell you something."

Zion: "Simone, I love you." "And I just think you've been so great and calm with everything that's been going on with Georgia."

Simone:"So this is all about Georgia?" even this huh?🤨

Zion: "No, of course not boo." frown frown frown confusion🤨🤨🤨🤨

Simone: "Goddamnit, how is she everywhere?" (spooooky ahh ghost)👻

Zion: "What are you talking about boo no she's not hehe the hell you mean." 😅hehe nervous

Simone:"Does she seriously have to be here for this, OUR moment... in this room with us right now?" 🧐

Zion: "I just told you I loved you bro." 🤨(probably also thinking "this crazy overreactive bitch," just kidding he's a cutie sweetie pie)

Simone: leaves 🚶‍♀️

That's lowkey so funny. Bro literally went "I love you" and she gets up from the couch and LEAVES. Talk about rejection.

Simone had also asked him if he wanted children with her, even, (since he had Ginny already with Georgia), and Zion says he didn't think about it (yikers bro wat da hell).

I just love it when a show actually gives me something important or interesting to think about, and isn't just like, stupid entertaining stuff I watch to distract myself from and not think about my life's problems for the duration of watching. Because hey! Then that's more distractions to think about after, yay!🎊 I say this like I never think about or reflect on life. Clearly, that's all I do. And sometimes it is very much not a bonus, but a disadvantage. Sometimes, being the way I am, it causes peril. If all I can think about, some important thing, is the only thing that can occupy my thoughts, and also causes me great worry or pain.

Even though it might seem to you like Simone overreacted, I can agree with certain points of it, and especially the big point that she made. The big point that she made was that you cannot just throw around words like that, like "I love you," and not be able to back it up.

Just how, your friend may not want to tell you, because that is taking on a big responsibility to tell you, explain all those feelings, and have to just keep talking and back their emotions, feelings, and thoughts up. All things they might not currently have the energy for.

This situation could be rare, how are you to predict it? You probably can't. There might be signs, but I only imagine signs if you are with the person before something happens to them. Otherwise, there is no way to be a mind-reader, nor should you be.

So no, is it never the friend's fault for not knowing. Overall, it's just an unfortunate situation of life, is all I can really think to say on it. However like always, just being aware of potential possibilities, can never hurt, but only help.