Ok, now I am truly excited for summer! ~Summer plans 2026

Dear blog,

I’ve said I’m excited for summer, but now I am like beyond excited because I think it’s after everything that happened. Since it’s been so horrible lately, but summer is a reliable oasis that I actually can rely on. Like I said, it feels good to finally know. And not to be wondering anymore. A 1.5 year weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So, I feel like I can actually focus on that now. I want to say that will help me enjoy this semester a little bit more, but I think that’d be a lie. I don’t think anything could make me enjoy this semester, or actually, any semester I’ve ever had here. Because it all has been horrible. Literally the entire time.

I have to go back to my prison (and now I know, calling it that was not an over exaggeration or dramatic) on Sunday. In 3 days. At least, I get to see the people I love again, but I also have to deal with a lot that I don’t necessarily want to deal with, too. My hellhole. I’m taking the bus that I always take, it’s a nice bus, but this time, I think I might cry. And actually, I think I’ll be randomly coming back and breaking down and crying a lot this semester, and there’s actually nothing I can do about that.

I actually feel like I want to skip forward this semester, since I’m not even excited anymore. I’m glad I’m not out of school even for a semester, but that’s not to say that this will be fun. I just feel like this place has taken all the fun out of school for me, you know? Which is saying a lot, because I’m somehow who loves school, and who’s made my entire life about it. But stressing these past 1.5 years…I could never truly enjoy it, could I? (No!)

And now I feel like I have barely any motivation. Who am I trying to get good grades for? It literally doesn’t matter. Apparently it never did, and neither did any of this hard work.

I’m so sorry to little me, who thought that it did. You can say thanks to the council people that broke that little girl’s heart.

Because also, this semester was never even going to be that fun anyway, just based on the combination of classes I had planned for myself. So now, with the combination of everything I’ve mentioned above, what’s the point, what’s the motivation, and also, it’s double not fun.

It would’ve been fun, and I would’ve happily taken on the burden, had actually ANY OF THIS actually gotten me somewhere.

Needless to say, I have to figure out what to take. Or more accurately speaking, what to maybe drop. Not because of the motivation issue, but more a depression issue and not needing this anymore. At least there’s one class, actually probably notoriously the most hell of a class ever according to my friend’s mom that took it, that I don’t need anymore.

I can’t say that the effects will wear off in the summer. I anticipate depression to follow me. The transfer still awaits, and leaving everyone with it. Super depressing. Like how I don’t even think I will go to camp, because of all of this and being too depressed. Feels like my priorities have to shift a little bit. I need to focus on school; need to focus on this life shift. Need to focus even on medical school, preparing for the MCAT, and other med-school related stuff, like internships, research, stuff like that. And mark my words, I will finally get a job after not having one since sophomore-senior year of high school, and since trying to get it literally every semester in college. I already have a place or two lined up, who’ve told me to reach out to them again in the summer. And it’s actually a job I want to do; I will very much enjoy it!

But besides that, summer will contain other things of fun. I’m hoping there can be a few trips in store. One is already confirmed, a summer cruise to Europe (I had nothing to do with that, my parents just planned it and told me I’m going a while ago). Maybe a camping trip. That is also confirmed, just not if I’m going or not. But that’s something for me to decide. I have been itching to go somewhere tropical, but I doubt that will happen, with transferring and all. And I’m already trying to plan more local things I can do in the summer. Like researching what to do in Chicago (I think Navy Pier should be fun, with its ferris wheel!)

And, of course, there are the notorious things I do in summer anyway. Like walks everyday, walking to the park. Day and very late at night. Going to the beach is a good one! I didn’t do that enough last summer. You know why? The same reasons as above, except then it was just “extension,” slightly more gentle, than “denial.” So it was same deal.

I’ll probably try to compensate for, last summer, for all of this…but doing some other things I was trying to do last summer. Like botanical garden, or this winter break: like learning polish, or randomly reading about organic chemistry (even though I’ll finish the sequence this semester).

I can put my vengeance into practicing the piano aggressively.

I’m sure I’ll also be busy planning, as usual…