People Pleaser

Chat, I CAN’T believe I haven’t written about this before.

I literally searched all my blog posts because I thought, “surely I have.” How…not?

Maybe, I’m going crazy, maybe I actually have, and I just can’t remember, because I’ve written so much, across the span of so many different topics, and I have like 340 blog posts now (and, constantly counting). And somehow missed it too, when I was searching. But anyway!

I have taken people pleaser to an ENTIRE NEW DIMENSION, brother. Not even intentionally.

It just happened.

Imagine this new dimension. Let me paint it out for you (with the brush strokes of my…keyboard…)

You are such a people pleaser…that you will let people walk all over you, knowing you’re getting screwed over, and refuse to do anything about it because that sacrifices their happiness for the sake of your own. But who cares about your happiness? You certainly don’t. Chat, it’s gone. It’s nowhere. It’s hopeless.

1. As I have written about, depressed gets rid of a lot of “bad” emotions. A lot of these are the pet peeves of mine…however, I’m already so scared of being what I’m annoyed of I think I stay…quite far away.

2. So when you feel this way, you already don’t feel like you deserve anything.

3. Plus, even if you felt like you did…chat that happiness is gone. It’s so far gone…don’t even go looking for it.

4. And there we have it. People taking advantage. Some nasty ah people. It’s a bad combination, isn’t it? Someone who will let people walk all over them, and people who are willing to willingly and knowingly and nastily walk all over you…

5. Pretty tragic, pretty sad.

6. But you still care about those people, you still love them, even though they hurt you…and for some reason just yeah…you care…and will refuse to do them harm. It doesn’t matter the cost now.

7. And this is the people pleaser aspect.

8. It’s not about being dumb and not seeing how they take advantage. No, I see it, but, don’t want to get in the way of their happiness.

9. And when all Church has taught you is self sacrifice, selflessness, and humility…

10. And this is what you deserve, because “you get what you deserve” and “we are all to blame” (Dostoevsky) and Russian melancholy…

11. Of course, school has contributed to this all. Taking all my hope, dream, purpose, meaning, and happiness…all of it away…

12. Of course, childhood aspects, childhood lessons, are also contributing to this all…

13. Why would I go against everything I was ever taught? What was shoved down my throat? What I believe, myself, as an adult, anyway?

14. Yes, we do choose people…we aren’t forced into anything…sometimes we are…in certain exceptional crazy situations…

15. And doesn’t, my life, just love those…it’s incredible how many of them can be shoved into one person’s lifetime! HAHA, isn’t it, isn’t it? I feel like I’m going insane. I feel like I’m going to burst.

16. No one cares…no one cares…