Post-exam guilt

I am OFFICIALLY done with exams.

It is OFFICIALLY summer!!!

As much as it's a cause for celebration, it doesn't totally feel that way. There's cause for dissent/discourse too.

1. It was sad to see my friends move-out. Like it genuinely stroke pangs of sadness and melancholy within me. I didn't even fully expect that. It's not as if I'll never see them again- but I think it's something like withdrawal symptoms for real. You go from everyday seeing these people and spending all day with them, doing everything, to not seeing them for months? And you're all within a community here, the bonds that were formed are strong! Trauma-bonding, for one.😂 I'm curious if there have been studies about this, because I genuinely think there's something withdrawal-like about this in human psychology, and the college experience is a perfect example and one that needs to be studied.

2. Even though exams are over, this week (finals week) has been horrible! Every minute I felt like I should be studying and every minute that I wasn't, I felt guilty and unproductive. So I spent most of it studying, and it made me want to lose my mind (that would've been better). Especially for statics. By far, I studied the most for statics. And yet I still feel as it it wasn't enough, so now it just makes me want to hit myself in the head and cringe because I would've felt better if I studied more...even if I didn't do better because of it? (but of course, it's likely that more studying could've made some difference too). At the same time...I feel as if I was studying almost every instant I could. And if I wasn't, I was trying to relax a little and/or didn't realize how much more I wanted to study and how guilty it would all make me feel in the future...you see what the problem is? I had to remind myself, of my own quote/mindset: you can't blame yourself for things you didn't know at the moment. I just hope my scores will come out okay, they really are more high-stakes than last semester. Either way, no matter what happens, there's nothing I can do about it now (both with studying, exams, and scores). What I can and should now is relax the well-deserved break, not think about any of that crap, and enjoy my summer! And when those scores do come back, even if they're bad, oh well? I tried, and I tried pretty decently hard. Nothing I can do about it now.