Self-esteem has never been lower- all-time low

My self-esteem has never been lower…it is at an all-time low.

Because that’s just what happens when you take away the one thing that was most important to me, and put it in the garbage. It was everything, and it was taken away.

Me as a child, that heart was broken because I tried so hard, I tried my best, and it wasn’t enough. And that hurts. That inevitably hurts. Would it almost hurt less if I didn’t try as hard, and had something to blame? But I know that would kill me more, because I would never know…

My place is…not here apparently.

So it makes sense I’ve been writing so much about feeling like an imposter, or feeling like I don’t fit in, or calling it my prison. Was I wrong? Was I wrong, though? About any of it?

The reason it’s like a prison, is because I was just forced to start hating the one thing I loved.

That is a PURE recipe of depression. Coming right up!

So people who try to convince me…the only reason I came there in the first place…that was taken away…why would I stay? What would I stay for? I hate that place with all my soul, and I’m broken anyway. Can’t even care anymore. Hard to know what I’m fighting for. What’s the point of fighting when fighting was useless and got you nowhere. Might as well give up at that point. What a disappointment. What a waste.

Plus, I’ve already talked about how truly now I can say it for sure: sadly just not good at anything. I was thinking “should’ve become a dancer” LIKE you actually could’ve? God, what is the point?

Not sure when I’ll start feeling better…

I’m scheduling this to post the first day of the semester. —> :(. I’m sad. I’m so sad.