Signs

I mentioned in my last blog post how there have been weird signs of a doomed future.

There have been so many SIGNS.

Seeing the team of University of Washington today, being reminded of it, reminded of how I should’ve applied there in the first place, and was so mad at myself for not applying…now I am applying…

If I had only known everything I knew now, WOULD I MAKE THE SAME DECISIONS…

Someone easily being able to take the place of me in my apartment…in fact in need…it’s too easy…it’s too good…it’s too-not-of-a-worthy now…it’s too…a sign…

Turns out it just shouldn’t’ve me all along. Coming here, introducing everything and everyone that I introduced, shouldn’t’ve me celebrating a dinner of signing a lease with my roommates…And of course, getting that exam grade back the DAY after signing…same day I was celebrating…

Everything that’s important to me, none of it is working out. But glad to see it’s working out for other people! That should be me…

Shouldn’t have been here in the first place. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have been here. What am I doing here in the first place? What am I doing here? Why? Why? Why am I here? What is the POINT of…anything.

The realization of realizing these are the last few weeks. Everything feels…too real. That hitting me.

Feeling like an imposter…

Feeling in a weird state of mind…

Boy did I have no idea, coming here, could be so miserable.