So much we don’t know about each other

It’s insane to me the sudden realization I get sometimes. You can know a person for such a long time…months, years, and it’s like you don’t know them at all. Fascinating, isn’t it?

The sudden realization can happen through a conversation, or things left unsaid. Things you weren’t even supposed to know, but happened to stumble upon. You had to fight to get it out. It can completely grapple with the idea of a person you thought you had. You’re forced to a position of humility, to realizing you actually don’t know anything.

Outbursts you never thought possible. You didn’t know how they actually felt. How they actually felt about themselves. How they view themselves.

What they think about you. Things that you say, or constantly do.

What they actually think. Both about things they’ve done, or said. Their own actions. Maybe you were hurt by their actions, but you learn that they actually thought of that too. Maybe they know it’s hurt you, and it hurts them in return. Maybe it’s a repetual thing that you’ve said hurts you before, and they do it again and again, and you assume that they maybe just are doing it on purpose but somewhat relentlessly, well they know that it hurts you but they still do it again. But maybe, what you’ll learn, is actually quite shocking and far from these assumptions. Maybe the truth is that they know it hurts you and it hurts them to do it, but perhaps there’s some third factor. It’s hard for them. It’s hard for them to not do the action that hurts you, and maybe it’s really painful for them too, watching them hurt you.

Isn’t love all about seeing faults, and seeing past that, and loving that, loving them for who they are, exactly as they are?

There’s so much more nuance to humans than we care to give. Think about how complex you are. How complex your problems, feelings, and thoughts are. We are confused by each other constantly. It is only because we are complex. How many times do we surprise each other. And how many times is the root of all human relationships misunderstanding and miscommunication- because we are so complex. It’s quite difficult to account for this complexity in daily life. It’s easy to get caught up in the moments and forget. It’s easy to resort to the human nature of assuming the worst- cynicism. Or assuming we know things (because we don’t even think- we don’t even stop to think about what we don’t know).

If you walk by someone, and they look sad, and it’s someone you only partially know, there’s so much you don’t. Even if you talk to a person every single day there’s so much you don’t know. Time is like nothing in these situations. Knowing someone for a long time. So if you were to think, that a person you maybe exchange a few word with everyday, maybe you know some of their situations, some even really-hard situations they have been through, maybe even some hard situations that you’ve put them in…and if you’re willing to believe that based on all those small interactions you can possibly understand a person that is foolish. Just knowing about something big that happened to a person gives you zero insight to how it’s affected them, the thoughts that go through their mind everyday, and the feelings and thoughts and emotions that run through them everyday because of it. And the sad part is that I think it’s all to easy to forget that. I think it’s easy for a person to think that just because they’re the ones who put a person in a situation, they automatically know all about exactly how they feel about it. But again, what do I know?

This can be back-handed, too. If you feel so dead inside, so sad, that you can’t even express to people how you feel. And so they have no idea how you actually feel, or your thoughts. You are literally the one preventing them knowing. You are in their way. With your own thoughts and feelings. And it hurts you knowing you are in their way, but it’s almost like you can’t stop because that’s how dead inside and sad you feel. Like self-sabotage.