Trying to convince me to stay…

Is pointless.

1. I’m stubborn

2. I know what I want

3. Not giving up on my dream

4. Even in the face of rejection, of failure

5. I’ve worked too hard for this, I’ve come too far, and frankly I still don’t want anything else. I still can’t imagine myself doing anything else. No…

6. I would always regret it

7. I also just would not be happy, and that’s just not good for anyone.

8. So this is like best for everyone, lowkey…trust me

9. I know it’s sad, and I’m sad too. It sucks. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me thus far, and even if something else horrible happens, this will still forever always be among the top worst things that’s happened to me, and that is a fact. That’s for sure.

10. I feel like at this point, I’m pretty sick of explaining to everyone this situation. About it. And why. Everyone always asks why I’m doing this. I don’t have to do this. What other majors can you do for pre-med? You can do any major for pre-med (you just need the requirements). But I don’t want to do a different major.

11. I don’t think you understand…that I wouldn’t be happy doing something else and that I would always regret it. I don’t understand what the crime is in being passionate, knowing what I want, and not giving up on my dream now. I have to follow it. It’s what I want to do. It’s what I feel like is my calling. Again, would not be happy. This kind of thing, I am not wrong about. I know one day I’ll look back, and go, “yeah that was pretty awful and hard. But did I make the right choice? Absolutely.” Just like how I was right in being cautious and scared about this whole situation. Because it did actually end up going wrong…spiraled into the worst-case scenario. I was not wrong about that. And I am not wrong about this. How can someone be wrong about something that they have dedicated their whole life to, think about, and is the most important thing to them? This decision, that is all of this to me. It’s all important. All of those feelings…those terrified, scared, feelings, that anxiety, none of that was wrong. None of that was a lie. All those words I wrote…all the truth. True fear- and the true fear developed, you see? It happened. I was right. Like a premonition. Calling it a prison? Doesn’t seem dramatic to me. When all you have worked for all your life…was a lie.

12. And I don’t think you understand…when I was a giddy little high school student looking at majors…and I saw my major…that was it. No further looking needed. All I knew at the time was medical school. I didn’t even know at the time that you could do any major. Because I knew the end goal. But I didn’t know how to get there. Sure I didn’t know it existed, but once I did that was it. I would’ve never done something else. Not in a million years. The idea of that was always boring to me. People think it’s crazy and I randomly spontaneously chose something. But is anything about me, especially when it comes to this, spontaneous? I don’t think so. I don’t think wanting to dedicate like 12-15 years of your life to education and career is spontaneous. I think it takes a lot of patience. The idea of just chemistry, or just biology, was always boring to me. So when I saw a combination of all the STEM classes, it had chem, and bio, and math…plus engineering, and medicine, it was everything to me! I have always been curious. I just want to know everything! I don’t want to study just one thing! I would be ignoring so many other subjects I’m curious about. And I love the combination of them in this major, how they intertwine and communicate with each other. Biology is in chemistry…biochemistry. PHYSICS, importantly. Physics is actually my favorite. Statics? Favorite subject. Physics is in engineering. Math is in chemistry. Math is in physics. Math is in engineering. And it’s HANDS ON. Hands on to solve “human heath problems through engineering.” How cool is that? Like the engineering of the medical field. Equipped with this knowledge could help me so much. Is that all really so hard to understand? To want to do both? With this, they are more connected than people think.

13. So yeah, I definitely don’t want to be explaining any more to anybody.

14. Also, it was the only thing keeping me at Madison. That was the ONLY reason I went, for the education. I did not even want to go there. I was SAD accepting to go there and the idea of it (even though I was so excited for university in general. Senioritis since sophomore. So that’s saying a lot. Already then, they were sucking the life out of me). So when they take away the one thing that’s important to me, the one thing that I cared about, and the only reason I came there, when they crushed the dreams of a little girl who once believed in hope and that hard work pays off, when they crushed my soul, brought my self esteem down to hell, and made me hate the one thing I loved, and made me feel like I’m in prison watching my life fall apart for 1.5 years, and gave me anxiety and depression, when they, just ultimately don’t want me (the rest I would put up with, because that’s how much I cared about my education), you REALLY think I want to stay there? If I must go, I will gladly leave that hellhole. Nothing’s tying me down to that place now. I can actually go somewhere where they do want me, where they do see my potential, where they do see my passion. I poured out my soul for them in my essays multiple times, and still they do not care or want me. I have no idea why they would accept me in the first place. At first it worked. Very retarded system. I have never been met with more cruelty in my life about something I deeply cared about.