University

I feel like I love university, I just love university, the vibes, and so many things about it I love, and suit me so well. Like I just genuinely feel like my best self, like I thrive, and become the best version of myself, from being a university student.

There’s such a romance surrounding it (romanticizing it).

I feel like I am in a Чехов short story, or a Достоевский novel, I feel like Разкольников from Преступление и наказание. Perhaps not all his mental aspects. (If you’re familiar). I’d hope so.

In those stories/novels, in Russian literature, perhaps Russian culture in general, it is so romanticized. It is such a thing. Even from the way my mom always talked of university, of education… the best years (golden) of your life… she said. That’s how the moms, the culture, the crowd, the people, and everyone around, treats it too, in the novels. Like Мармеладов when he finds out Разкольников is a university student (бывший, но это не важно). Or one of the Чехов stories, I can’t remember which one, but the one where the main character is passionately hated by Von Koren. He always references how he is a university student, an educated man, even if he never did anything with this education.

And that’s just the thing. Разкольников even quit too, but and yet there is still this romance dust that follows him around, especially when he says it, and just how others react and talk about it too. How the whole culture treats it.

Suits me, because I was able to find myself, and be myself more than ever, when I came to university. Genuinely in terms of every little thing.

1. The romance

2. The pursuit and love of education- and a desire to be disgustingly educated

3. The independence - I feel like this is huge thing that I should write a blog post about but in short

   1. I am really independent and thrive and crave to be independent. Part of the reason why I wanted to live so far away from home in university and I was okay with this. Like going to my little cafés by myself, walking to places by myself, going where I want to go, trying new things by myself, and not having anybody telling me what to do, where to go…no I just do what I want to do, go where I want to go, and live my little life.

   2. Like being away somehow really helps…

4. The routine, business, and combined with the education. A PURPOSE in life. A goal that I am working towards, so I can work hard, challenge myself, struggle, and constantly be dreaming and working towards this goal & dream.

5. You get to learn who you are in university. Your dreams, your goals, your values, your personality, your humor, who you are- aka who you want to be.

   1. Because you have to make decisions on your own now. You’re an adult. You are independent and live a separate…. your life, and there is something that will forever be sweet about that.

   2. You discover who you are to the fullest extent because you are cleaved away from your family and the expectations they have for you….no, instead, what expectations did you set for yourself?

   3. You can just fully be yourself, without the carving of high school, and your family. And you’re free to explore all things.

And also, I feel like, with all of my talk about how much I hate specifically the university I go to, that’s not fair, because I feel like I love it a lot too (but I also can’t deny my feelings, especially when I write an upcoming blog post about transfer schools). But there’s so much here to love. Though, maybe, I am crazy, and it’s not really the location, but all these other things, that are strong likings for me, and add up. Like, the location may actually be a drainer in how much I like it, and I might actually hate it with all my soul, like a main character from one of the above stories or novels, but everything I love, and it aligning with the person I am and always have been, it adds up to something great. I just keep thinking about Lady Danbury from Bridgerton when she said to Simon, “you take everything you have for granted.” Am I like that? Am I literally just this ungrateful little bit**? And everything I have, I take for granted? And don’t realize, that it’s all perfect and exactly what I need?