Update...Where I've Been...

Hi *imaginery* readers!

[To anyone who is new my name is Masha and I basically write blog posts. As far as topics it can be anything from general life topics and updates, or you will also find that a lot of my blogs are opinionated and really getting deep and analytical about everything...because that is absolutely what I'm all about. There is no time to pretend things don't have meaning. Life is hard. Anyway...]

I have not uploaded since August. Why? Simple answer: school started! I am in my senior year and I've never taken more AP's...oh well....oh and I also was going to college at the same time for a while. So anyway, now that (well I wouldn't say the craziness is over, but things have settled a little bit) I have been thinking about some things lately, and I have a lot more ideas (obviously).

1. One of the absolute most important things I've realized lately is that I was actually the person holding myself back from happiness, the only person, and I think we in general are the only ones to have that control over our own individual lives. No one can take your happiness from you..? (No! It's all mindset). My way of taking my happiness away was the overthinking struggle (the cycle of something never feeling quite completed or good enough and coming back to it; it extends to all areas of life). But it can be different for everyone. The thing is, it sounds so dumb as I'm saying it. It sounds so much easier said than done. To ACTUALLY trust that the right things are happening, and this can extend to ACTUALLY trusting God. Because if we ACTUALLY trusted God, we basically wouldn't have worries or troubles. Meaning, we kind of all disbelieve in a way (if you believe at all...not saying you have to...) because it is so much easier said than done and there are so many wrong things we do, UNCONSCIOUSLY. We are so accustomed to doing bad things, we don't even realize what we are doing or that they're actually bad. And you know what, there is no more time to waste. I have to get control of my life (because you do have that control of your life...). It's not going to be easy. I will always have doubts. But I have to trust. It's actually easier to not doubt, to almost be in denial, so why is it more difficult for me to just relax and trust? REALLLLY good question. *CLARIFICATION: When I say "not trusting God" I do NOT mean that I have doubts about if God exists. I honestly...don't doubt that at all. What I mean is simply referring to trusting when it comes to resting your worries in God and you yourself knowing that you're doing the right thing. The latter may be more difficult...because that means you actually have to trust yourself too. And how do you know if you're doing the right thing? How do any of us know? And I don't just mean "I know that being nice is a good thing." That one's easy, it's when it gets more complicated (self-image: how am I supposed to navigate that?!), and trusting your conclusion...that's when it gets complicated. So it's a combination of trusting yourself but ultimately it's trusting God because trusting yourself is trusting God, if you know what I mean. So yeah, it sounded easy at first, didn't it? That's why I'm saying you can't just doubt (because you will be unhappy) and you have to just trust (that's the only solution). I also wrote an impromptu AP Lang essay about this once...lol...and it actually is another blog post on here. The important thing is actually remembering and following through with that argument every second of every day. You can say everything you want to be, but are you actually being it? Now that's the question. (That is the question...hope you got my Hamlet reference)

If you have questions leave them down below. I will be happy to clarify and have interaction on the topics I write about, or any other, really. -Masha