When I'm sad

When I'm sad:

1. I write sad bad posts

   1. I cannot write about happy things

   2. Or even neutral things

   3. Or pretend I'm good at things

2. I start doubting myself anymore

   1. How could someone like me give advice

3. Even less confident

4. I get annoyed if people try to tell me things about me that I don't understand and know aren't true

5. It's hard to get motivated to force myself to do school (I do some, and then it's like I hit a wall, where I know I could try to force myself, but I also would just):

   1. start zoning out

   2. staring into space

   3. or just staring at the assignment

   4. endlessly scrolling through it like it's not in English, thinking about it, how to do it, what to do, what I will do when I will actually do it, how I'll phrase things, how I'll rephrase, the edits I'll make

6. Sad music

   1. Sad music hits different

   2. I can understand it better

   3. I feel more

      1. And suddenly I feel like I understand what life is all about

      2. True emotion and feelings

      3. Like actually feeling and not fake crap

7. Sleep becomes difficult, cause I just think instead

   1. Or feel like I should be doing something

8. It's kind-of hard to talk to people, because instead of talking to them, I just want to zone out

   1. But I hope they don't feel unheard, or notice, because I still want to be a good and supportive friend, always

   2. Don't feel like talking to anyone

      1. Just going in the corner and crying, or lying on my bed listening to music and crying

9. Existential crisis.

10. Identity crisis.

11. Feels like I'm going crazy

12. So hard to make decisions (always)

13. I just wanna write; write a lot; write it all out

14. It does feel like stressed artist. I'm going to give my advice on a stressed artist starter pack in the next blog post.

but honestly God holds me together.