All my life I've dreamed someone would see me this way

I don't think we humans even know what we want, so often.

Then, when we think about it, we know.

But until we finally open that door, start that thought, we would've never known, and don't, know. Until we do.

That's how it was with my major. I didn't know, at first, that to go to medical school, you could major in anything. Once I figured that out, I had to start looking. I thought maybe "pre med" was already like a major and it was predetermined. But I learned quickly, that's not how that works. Pre med is no major- it is more like a direction. And a major is something I could choose- and I could choose anything (as long as doing the requirements as well).

All this information was new, so how could I have even possibly known my major right away, or what was right for me?

All the people I have argued with over my major and what the "point" is if I want to go to medical school, that's something I don't think they understand. Because they take the fact that I didn't always know I want to do something, and they run with it. They say, "why are you fighting so hard for this? You want to go to medical school."

True. But what they don't know...is that it's not like I knew I could do something, anything, different?! So when I started looking, I saw my major, and I instantly knew, just like that. There it was. That was so cool. That was for me. I was so passionate about that.

No one is more passionate, stubborn, or determined. Because the battles I have had to go through to get this degree (I'm only like halfway done, but half full!) is unheard of. Truly, I have never heard of someone having or doing this much for something like this. Maybe for anything in life, truly. I don't know what to tell you, though. I know I am doing the right thing.

I was making an analogy to "just knowing." That moment.

Often we don't know. Then we look into it, and we know.

Well, when I went to university, I was only school-oriented. I didn't care about anything. I think that fits, and explains a lot.

But life loves to work in mysterious ways. Those mysterious ways are that right when you're not expecting something (even if you were expecting it before) it happens! Like a pot of boiling water.

That some-thing happens. It pops and hits you on the head.

I had given up and convinced myself I would be alone. What's more is I had fully accepted it and was okay for it. I was convinced I wouldn't find what I was looking for, because it was too specific, hard to find.

Sometimes you don't even know what you want. Sometimes you don't expect what you want. Or what it ends up being. Different, from what you thought.

It's like that "aha!" moment of "yes! This what I have been looking for all along!" I didn't know it, I was looking, and now I know! It's like that. Because some things, they just have to happen. You just have to see. Then you know.

Sometimes, things are too good to be true. And you don't know to grapple with it. You thought, you could only dream and get this. Get this in your dreams? You could only dream of such good treatment, of such good understanding.