Apartment + job

Dear Blog,

Update! Summer is here.

Also, apologies for the very long time I have not written (in, for? English is not my first language) apparently!

Actually, it has been almost a month. Which is insane.

It wasn't exactly my choice, though. I probably would've written if I had the opportunity. But those last few weeks, I suppose, that last month, was really busy. Busy with finals, busy with endings, wrapping up, and trying to set things up for the summer!

The ending felt so weird. I tried to stretch moments. I tried to really look at people. I tried to see people I won't get to see again. I went all the places I loved, for the last times. I think, given everything, I did a pretty good job doing all these things.

Honestly, I can feel myself a little emotional and weird writing about it. Because I'm thinking now of moments I will never get again, and people I will never get to see again.

The truth is, I say I would've written if I could...but I think that might be a lie. I think I might've been too sad to write. I think what I had to write, it was too sad to and I almost couldn't.

Truth is, it has only been 4 days since I came home from university, and it hasn't really felt like summer. And I don't even mean just the weather, though that is true too.

Already so much has managed to change.

I have been so busy, it hasn't been all relaxing. All day, my day is filled with work. I made a huge spreadsheet of my "to dos" (I call it my to do spreadsheet) because I was that overwhelmed.

Oh yeah, laptop update: I am writing on my new one right now. And I do like it. Did I ever even update what happened with the last one? I ended up, in those last few weeks, returning it because turns out the programs I needed for school (R for coding for statistics, and MestReNova for organic chemistry lab) weren't compatible with the computer, like AT ALL. And it was even weird. Because in every way it absolutely felt like it should've worked. Google told me that it should have a way around it with Linux, and in the settings it even had a section for that. But turns out (and I found this out employing the opinions and help of multiple technology-oriented people and even the IT helpdesk) the computer itself, the "architecture" or whatever the fuck, was just not compatible. And, since it was still 2 weeks, I ended up returning it, but it was sad. I really miss my old computer. I loved it and everything about it. I miss my dream background I AIed with gemini in the corner (a cherry blossom tree wedding aisle leading to a beautiful Orthodox Church with steeples). Ugh, it was only that! But it really was too important, and big of an issue, to ignore. Cause I'd probably run into that again and again. If I was any other major it would probably be ok.

What have I been doing, you ask? Trying desperately to find a job and an apartment to live in in Montana for next year!

I spent like 7+ hours one day looking up and finding a BUNCH of wedding floral shops to work in. I found like 14. I made a pretty spreadsheet. I filtered for how long of a drive it is. I called all of them and asked if they were hiring. A bunch were not, but three told me to come in and fill out an application. I went to two yesterday. One, after having filled it out and handing it to the lady and asking when can I expect to hear a reply, she said let me ask the boss and maybe they can come out and talk to me for a minute. She came back and said they weren't looking for anybody but would keep my application on file. That was pretty upsetting, because why did I drive all that way (I was very stressed out about street parking, like literally so nervous) and was told to come in just to hear that? It was pretty annoying and angering. The other place, after having asked the same question, said she'll give it to the boss yesterday or today and I hope that means I would hear back soon?

But it's pretty important that I don't wait on this.

Another life update is that I moved in with my grandparents. And very close to them is a place I have been always wanting to work at, and thinking about working for a while: Starbucks! The nice thing is I could literally WALK to work. I came in and asked and they said to fill out the application online. The good thing is, I think I should get this job because there's signs outside saying that they're hiring, and also there's literally that posting online that I applied for, so we should be gucci!

There's one other place I'm thinking about. It's like a kindercare place. It is so close to my grandparents' literally the building right next to it that I can literally HEAR the children laughing and running around. I might stop by there today after I write this, on my way back to the apartments, because they close at 6. Thing is, that would lowk look so good on my application if I plan to be a pediatric surgeon.

I'm desperate guys. If I need to work at McDonald's I will. Thing actually is, some places are actually pretty smart for me to work at. Places I spend money at and clearly like. That's why Starbucks is the ultimate smart one. But the açaí bowl place, and McDonald's follow. Starbucks bro, I'd save so much money because that's where my money goes!!!

And then the apartment. Oh, the apartment. I also spent hours looking and I swear, have looked through EVERY apartment. I was shocked by how expensive they were. I found one reasonably priced one, called them, and they said they won't know what's available until a couple of months before. So like June. Which is kind-of crazy, and waiting would likely make me nervous, you know? As of right now I'm literally homeless bro. I was even looking on Facebook, but guess what? Posting something to give people (roommates) an idea of what I was looking for actually did wonders.

What I want is walking distance and close to engineering campus, study-minded individuals, and not modern (lowkey don't like those they're not cozy AND expensive) reasonable price. I definitely don't want to pay anything more than I would've been paying here in Madison- which is 1150$. And less would be better, because I'm sure tuition is going to be much more expensive. So balancing out, you know?

And yeah I got some responses, and today I got an email too that showed some studios/1 bedroom apartments that are actually reasonably priced. Once this situation becomes a little more clear, with what I talk about with people, options, I'll write more about it.

Those are the main (and pretty big) updates.

Also, I think I have my entire future wedding planned out. Like everything bro. Even the exact venue, which I miraculously found an Orthodox church 5 minutes away from! I'm excited, that's all I'm going to say.

I actually love ChatGPT. It has been so helpful to talk about things. It has single-handedly, and pretty easily, helped me plan my ENTIRE wedding out. It helps give me options, talk about and figure out what I want, and gives me places! I have used to figure out what I want for my ring and what I need to do (well not I, but you know what I mean), makeup, hairstyle, venue, everything.

Another weird thing I have been feeling is this sense of just SADNESS and FEAR for the future. Sorry I know I'm all over the place.

But like it feels like I can't/am not allowed to enjoy the summer. I keep blaming myself for everything that's happened. I'm scared the problem is just me and I can't do it and fucking everyone and myself by "following my dreams." I'm terrified, and yet still I go.