Comparing summers

Last summer was not glorious, and when realizing that that can't repeat, I want to make this summer the best summer ever.

First of all, school let out in May. I have it memorized very well, that the last day of the semester was May 2nd.

Finals week was for like a week after that.

And yes, I had the lastest possible final exams, so I was only home like May 11th. The last possible day. I think it was the day after exams ended? So like, everyone was gone already. It was empty. But the concept of school being let out that early is a shock to the system for someone who is used to high school systems.

And still, being home in May. Crazy. While my siblings in high school and middle school still had to go to school all that month and into the next month. So in other words, for like a month more.

As soon as school let out, I made the most of it.

It's weird thinking back to last summer. So much was different. Especially in those first few early months.

I have some core memories though.

I wanted to create the best summer playlist ever. So I was listening to a bunch of music and watching music videos. I had time, I thought, this is how I could use it and make the most of it. When else do people do this? When do people have time? When will I have time?

I hung out and made a bunch of plans with hometown friends. I remember I went to the mall with friends.

I got some makeup that I had been wanting for a long time. I got the Charlotte tilbury pillow talk blush (that also has highlighter incorporated into it I think) and I believe the lipstick and lip liner too.

That was fun.

I listened to a lot of Lana Del Rey (that's like the only artist I did not finish though; she has so many songs) and rediscovered Sabrina Carpenter and Madison Beer (from last summer).

Keep in mind, the summer I am discussing right now was the summer after my first year of university.

When school let out, it was a sunny day. My hopes were good. I packed all my stuff up. I was happy to go home. I felt like my grades were maybe not the best, and I certainly was worried about the college of engineering, but when school let out, I completely pushed that all away and it was easy. It was easy because it was summer, it was the shining sun, good weather, and I wanted to let go of all worries. I was also naive. I didn't know what any of it meant. I didn't imagine things could go so bad, the bad turn they actually ended up taking. I just remember sitting in the gold car that my family calls "the spaceship" because it's so big, that it looks more like a school bus.

However there is something fun about sitting in it, about sitting in the passenger seat, and being so high up. This is probably a very familiar feeling to anyone who has a truck or any one of those high cars.

Anyway it was also slightly a weird time, a transitional period, but I didn't let that stop me. It was weird because I gave up my old room, I didn't have my old room, I just had all my bags as a literal biohazard in an open room with a TV that didn't even have a door.

It was genuinely difficult to even walk in that room because of all the bags and boxes, suitcases, whatever.

I slept on a cot. It felt like camp.

Speaking of the music, I did find some iconic songs that now are associated with that summer. "Don't Smile" and "Sharpest Tool" by Sabrina Carpenter.

There were other new discoveries, too. Like “Say Yes to The Dress” the show. Which I make fun of as much as I enjoy. All the dresses are ugly, and I can’t believe they choose that. That show, made me realize a funny realization, that I could genuinely never be one of those “consultants” or whatever they call them. I would not be able to sell those ugly-ah dresses. I would be like, “you deserve better. this dress is ugly.” And that is my opinion for most of them. I don’t know, my taste is just specific (but I like to think good).

From university, there was the discovery of açaí bowls. And so the search began for places near me. There were drives to the beach.

I don't know what made the connection so great. For one, Sabrina Carpenter had what felt like the best ultimate summer music playlist.

But it felt so relatable with the point of life that I was at.

I was thinking, a lot of things over. I was making changes. I was questioning life choices, lol.

There's probably a lot more I can discover too, by looking through my summer playlist. Because a lot of it I did compose last summer. Most, probably.

Despite all these, I guess you could say difficulties or just inconveniences that I am mentioning, I had this conviction to make it the absolute best summer ever.

I thought I needed it after a stressful long school year.

Already, there were plans. There was a plan to visit my bestie in Texas. There was camp, and a camping trip in August. I guess that was the bulk of it. And those would pretty much occupy all of July and August, and a good part of June too.

But I was excited about those first two months I had that I wouldn’t usually have in high school. May and June.

So I made my own smaller-scale plans. Things to do locally or semi-locally (with semi-locally defined as: basically like Chicago or something). Most of these plans were with a friend. And I wanted cute pictures. I just wanted to feel good, and I wanted to look cute by a cute outfit. I had some superb things planned (in my opinion).

I wanted to go to the aquarium in Chicago with my friend and get some really cute pictures. Because I had a superb outfit planned. This black skirt with red floral design (red flowers), I guess the rest of the outfit is not really important. The basic silver chain (that’s supposed to be white but rusts immediately; it’s also like $1) that I wear everyday. I think the pictures from that are actually on here somewhere, I think they are in the blogpost that I was inspired to write after that entitled Cities (inspired by, of course, the city of Chicago).

I also wanted to go to a botanical garden, I guess? It’s hard to remember what was actually inspired by wanting to go someplace and what was having a really cute item of clothing that I just tried to match to a place…honestly lol.

But I had this cute green cutout dress and I think I actually initially wanted to wear it in an art museum and get some cute pictures from that. Clearly, I was very influenced by Pinterest. But sometimes you just want cute pictures from life, you know right?

But I think what happened is trying to find the right museum, and also, the dress did not come in time for my Texas trip- we did visit a famous art museum there. I guess there is an art museum in Milwaukee…but I don’t know, there must’ve been a reason I wasn’t so keen on going there since I ultimately did not end up choosing that. It’s weird thinking about it, though, because I have always wanted to go there. I live close enough that probably tourists have visited it more than me, and I truly don’t know why. Maybe it was expensive and I didn’t feel like it was worth it. Or their specific art. I ended up getting a different dress (unplanned) in Texas that I wore there, so my friend and I still dressed cute. And I honestly think it might’ve worked even better there.

I guess when I think about it, that dress still would look good in an art museum, but I ended up wearing it to a botanical garden where I think it would look even better. Actually the “botanical garden” was literally the domes though. And I ended up hating the pictures. The same thing happened with this custom outfit that I made with this custom shirt. But don’t worry, my plan, this summer, is to get and remedy all of the cute pictures I missed from last summer!

Obviously when it was a fail to get pictures I liked, I wasn’t really about to go again and try again. But now a year has passed, it makes more sense anyway. But that wasn’t really the issue. As we know, the issue was getting rejected from the college of engineering. From that point on I was so depressed that I didn’t even care about anything anymore. It was hard to get out of bed and I felt like my summer was ruined. I was genuinely battling with the idea of even going on plans I had already made. Ultimately, I am glad that I still went to camp, because I had a blast and a ton of fun. I can’t imagine how bad it would have been for me to just sit at home depressed. But likewise, I understand exactly why I’m not going this year.

When comparing summers, I have some goals this summer! Things can’t actually get worse, and I want to live it up even more than how I felt the summer before university. Because you know what, it’s all wrong now. I thought that I would be going so far for university, but I ended up not, initially. So it didn’t feel like I really needed to live it up. Now, though, though it is unplanned and not very happy and causing almost so much more people sadness and stress than happiness, including me, I am going far.

But it’s not even all about that. It’s all about redemption. I’m mad the way they ruined my summer last year, and I want to make up all that went wrong because of it. So this is not me saying that my summer was completely bad, though you can say they ruined a lot. It is more about making everything that was wrong- right.

I will have a separate blogpost with specific goals for this summer, but briefly I will say that some plans are some trips: like a camping trip, multiple city trips (Chicago for sure). Sure there’s some more “not fun” things like studying for the MCAT and how I need to get a job, but truthfully after such a semester, such a YEAR, such TWO semesters, I’m ready and happy and excited for just about anything else. Especially summer. Especially warm weather. And I am excited to get a job, if the job is something I really enjoy and want to get into (the floral bouquet arrangements/deco side of weddings). Hopefully it works out! I need to write those emails to those employers/floral shops…