Derivations

In the sequence of school subjects: let's think about what I have now written about.

I have now written about: physics, and (organic) chemistry.

It is time to talk about derivations. Which, applies to a lot of things. Obviously this is just a big thing, topic, and pattern to me in general. But, it applies pretty closely to/and in my discussion of: MATH. Mathematics. Arthimetic.

I have already mentioned RSM. Trust me, I do not wish to discuss that topic any further lol (if you're curious: I believe it's in "Laptop" where I talk about the real reason I had to get a laptop so soon. In 7th grade, which I do feel like is earlier than you think of a kid needing a laptop. Guess I was just so ahead lol (The pain that came with RSM).

I don't know when it hit me, but a certain point, I was hit with this desire of deeply understanding things. I guess I have always been this way, by nature. It's not that I was just struck in nature by a lighting strike, but I guess, as I got older and took more classes, more complicated, that required more derivation, is when I started to realize I was this way.

Actually I'm trying to think back to it now, and I bet I could draw parallels going back to elementary school. Like fifth grade or something.

But anyway, we don't need to think about that right now. It definitely makes sense and is logical, that I started to realize it more when I needed it more (higher end classes). I think this makes sense, and was the way it was in truth and reality.

In senior year of high school, I took two math AP classes. Like I've said, derivations apply to basically anything in science. I am deep in science, taking a spread of all the different classes, so I could apply it to a lot of things. But what I'm going to apply it to here is mainly one specific class: Calculus! I took AP Calc BC.

It's hard to exactly remember how I at first grappled with the content. But I don't think I understood it much at first. It felt confusing, a little confusing how it applies too. Though whenever I do see how things apply, I always think that is very cool (like Riemann sums, for example). That always helps the connections between learning to be stronger/greater. Like, "this is why i want this. this is why i need this."

And I found myself frustrated with the content constantly and daily. Because it felt like a lot was brushed over, and I'm sure, it was.

But, at the same time, taking higher level courses, I would see professors make an effort to derive things and explain where they actually came from.

I desired, always, to know...but why does it work that way? Not just how it works. You see, already these are such broad questions that...applied to everything...create a lot of material, time-consuming material.

As I would sit near classmates in lectures, they would complain when the professor would go into the deep derivations before just "giving us a formula."

I couldn't disagree more!

That would be the worst thing ever. That's what it feels like in all of the physics classes. Most of all in general physics though. Just so many formulas thrown at us and barely explained. There must've been hundreds by the end.

People told me, "it's because there's no time to explain it." or "it's better to just get the exact necessary information you need. not more."

But everything just felt like excuses. And still then, it just doesn't help.

But the derivations: I would appreciate it so much. And here's an important point. Even if it was too fast, too much, and I couldn't fully understand what was happening, I still would appreciate it. Because that's how deep the passion runs.

Sometimes it's almost annoying how people don't understand or don't see the deep way of caring. It feels like such a big thing to me, that it creates a huge contrast of un-relatability, un-understanding. Like this huge part of me...that people don't get to see or understand. Maybe only...if they see me in an academic context. Like, if we contain a class together. But otherwise...I don't see how they would ever. Especially if they don't have the same interests. I guess sometimes I just feel like such a nerd. Because the idea of learning and studying is fun. Like it's just what I'm passionate about and want to do.

Even if the class is over. It's not about points. It's not about exams, but about understanding. The only reasons I'm doing things for is not points or exams. That would be so pointless and with a lack of depth.

What also helps it, is having a thorough, perfectionist personality. And now we see the "nature vs nurture," yet again.