Reflecting on this school year

This, is no happy feat.

This, is honestly feeling more important than any reflection on my "year" (so as in, the last year: 2025) ever felt.

I didn't exactly get the idea to do this randomly. Actually, I was kind-of inspired by making a connection between a new season of a show I just watched!

In the show, that I already talked about in the previous blogpost ("Focus on the good").

In the show, the main character is in her senior year of highschool. She gets gifted this journal from her sister when she was visiting her sister. And in it, she makes this iconic list that she references all throughout the season, basically a list of everything she wants to accomplish her senior year.

But it is more than just a list of some tasks she wants to accomplish or something like that. It sounds like that just when I say it, but in reality, it is more. It is more like a list of dreams too.

She just wanted to make it a good year.

The thing with lists, is that it creates expectations and dreams. And sometimes, it is hard to let go of the perfect little romantic dream we envision in our head, when things, on a list or not, don't go to plan.

That's not say, to not dream. But that is hard when it happens, isn't it? It reminds me of my whole "denial" thing I have already written about.

Because it's not just dreams, it creates expectations.

Well I've had journals, journals like that, certainly lists and dreams and expectations like that.

And I've already written about how in life, things don't always go to plan or the way we envision them to.

As in life, things in the show don't go to plan. I mean, she does accomplish most if not everything of what's on her list.

But like she says in the show, virtually nothing that she planned happened the way she expected or wanted it to.

That's reality, isn't it? What we dream...well it doesn't just happen. That way. At least not always. Sometimes it's so different, but it's how it should be...I guess.

Sometimes, it's even better?

Sometimes we can't see that at first, which is probably the situation I'm in.

One thing I really like about the character is that in the show, she is so resilient. Even when things are really bad and get really tough, she still stays optimistic and just keeps going and keeps showing up for everything. And that is a trait that is so admirable. She never gives up. She is strong. Lots to learn from a show that did a really good job of mimicking real life (like obviously, it's a show, so it dramatizes things. And things get really bad all at once and things are also so amazing in maybe an unrealistic way at other moments. But in reality, it really is so good and realistic. Because who knows, maybe even in more ways than I realize, because all I have to go off of, obviously, is my life). But what I can say, is that it's pretty realistic, it shows things that happen in real life, like great times and tough times, things getting bad, or like things not going to plan, and I can really relate that to my life. As well as, of course, admire the way she handles things (or other characters in the show as well).

Now, what about my life? Where does it connect? Well, as I have written about, things have not gone to plan in my life, this school year.

Instead of finishing my last two years of university at the same university, I instead am transferring. Really far. Apparently, like a 17/18 hour drive away. I'm sure, I will have to fly ( I do love plans and flying though!) This might mean that I need to get rid of a bunch of stuff, which is probably a good thing. Because I can't imagine forcing anyone to drive all that way, just to bring some extra stuff.

And it was all not my choice at all. Of course, I'd prefer to stay. With everyone. In a system I already know. At a much better university. Unfortunately, this is my fate. It is not up to me. All I can do, is accept it, and try to make the most of it. Try to make it optimistic. I simply have to deal. with. it. And accept it, which I do feel like in a great way, I have already done, a while ago.

And of course, just by accepting or understanding things, that doesn't take pain away. That doesn't make things easy. They can still be really hard. There can still be pain, and growing. And there is, naturally. We must accept our paths in life, and what happens to us. We must find ways to cope with it. With any problem we may have.

Another thing this schoolyear: is like her, I tried so hard, to still do things and be happy even when things were hard. Like Valentine's Day, International Women's Day, I still tried to make those good events! Plans that I had, dreams that I had, I'm not ready to let go of. Just like how last year, I had this dream and plan that I would get my nails done for Valentine's Day. A really cool design. Or how I had necklaces that I wanted to match. A dress I wanted to wear. Or some really cool outfit I planned for events. A LBD. Cute heels. Makeup. Things like that. Don't let go of dreams. Every day, I try really hard to make good and enjoy.

Even when things are hard and didn't end up like they should, at least I still tried! I'll always have the confidence of knowing that.

I may add more to this blogpost as we get even closer and finish off the school year. Though, crazily enough, it is April 4 today. Which means, literally like a month left! 2/3 of the way in!

Where the show left off, by the way, I think it's only half a semester, and there's still a semester. I don't know if they're continuing, but I hope so. Not only does the show bring me joy, but I do want to see what will happen next. How will things keep going, develop?

So much that could still happen for her... but right now things feel more like they're ending for me. That's not to say...doors at opening up at the same time!

She's a senior, she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life (fully). Or, she had to start figuring out in the show. So exciting, isn't it! A time in life where you are at a fork. You get to figure out where to go. Is it fate where life takes you? It must be, right? And accepting. Fate and acceptance. Two important things.

Just like my life, I get to see what happens. Hopefully some day, things will make sense. And I sure hope things will get better.