You make your own world

Previously I wrote about how I don't feel right for this world.

Well I have come to the conclusion that there must be a way to cope with this.

There must be a way to make it through all the bad things in the world to get to the good. Or that, just because the good exists, has to be enough reason to make it through the bad. It must. And you can't have the good without the bad, right? I still will never forget that quote.

And the solution I can think of, that just readily comes to mind, for dealing with this problem, is that you have to make your own world.

People used to view it as a weakness, to be naive. I choose to stay that way. Not in a "completely shut out the world and don't know what's going on way." Because if you do it right, stick to knowing who you are and doing what you love, that shouldn't happen anyway.

I honestly don't know how I would survive in any other way.

Because people might be used to the way things are and they might be okay with them, but I am not. And I genuinely feel that I cannot live that way. I cannot be brainwashed or accept it.

You make your own bubble.

I mean how many times, have I felt like I have done, and done, exactly that?

That is basically what my entire life in university has felt like.

I go to class, I study, I come back. I have my routines. I talk to people. And this is how...we stay alive? I focus on what I like, who I am. It is the only way, isn't it? It must be all about that. It must be the only way. You shrug and don't know what to do. To do anything else. Because this is the only way.

You focus on your life, on what you like. On what you want to be. Don't get distracted by other people, their lives, and what they want to be, if it is nothing like you, what you want to embody. Especially if it the farthest thing from what you want to be. And that doesn't even mean judgement, or that you can't admire from afar what other people are doing with their lives and be happy for them. Because you can definitely still do that. And no matter how hard, still try to be thankful. That's actually a strange thing. Even though things really have been hard in my life, I still know I would want no other. I just have to figure this one out, that's all. And hopefully things will start looking up, very soon.

I'm not saying to completely disconnect from the world, or to go into hibernation or never talk to people.

Talking to people and building relationships is still definitely important.

So is just relying and focusing on what you like and want to do. You like academia? So go study it. Whatever it takes, right?

Or like for me, I like writing, and it really helps me cope. So that's why I have this blog and why I do this.

Just because I don't agree with so many things about this world, maybe doesn't mean that there is no way for me to live in it, if I just choose what I am susceptible to.

If you think about it as your own bubble, well it's a very tough bubble. Like not like a normal bubble. When being faced with harsh reality, with beliefs unlike your own, this bubble will not just pop, but persevere. It must. These are your beliefs. You must take control of them. You can choose what you are susceptible to.

It becomes hard when the things that you do love are mixed up in all this bad. Like, it's never one-sided. Not all bad, and not all good. It's hard to deal with it, but I can't see any other way, besides staying true to yourself and just pushing yourself through the battle.

Because in this world, things really are so mixed up. In the media, for instance. Like it's not just "I ignore this. I accept this." It's all together, mixed in, the things you love with the things you hate and don't accept and don't want to be brainwashed by. It is a hard lesson, and it is not perfect, trying to ignore, trying to accept. A filter is what it is like. You have to filter the world. I already love coffee, and now there's even more reason to, isn't there?

Nobody is perfect. And life isn't either.

Of course, it will never be pleasant and things will always affect you directly. But you can deflect and I truly believe, that if there is this stark contrast between what the world does/believes/says is ok and if you don't agree...this is the only way to survive, and the only way to exist and be happy. So it's what I must do. And of course, no one said it will be easy and it's not. I've already been trying to live for so long.