Where i want to live
- mashatchesnokova
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
I have a lot of mixed feelings about where I want to live, or even less so where, but also what type of house? But I have a different blog post for that number dilemma.
As far as the specific setting though, I also have a dilemma. Because I am torn between different settings:
First off, a couple years ago some kind of subconsciousness awakened within me and it was that I didn't, by any means, want to live in suburbs. The idea just absolutely disgusted me. These built houses all next to each other in patterns on maps for miles and miles, with no end in sight. I would just feel so trapped. There is also no substantial nature, and I crave that so much. I don't know what it is, whether it was visiting so many national parks throughout my entire childhood, and maybe that's what "spoiled" me to nature. Perhaps I also just don't want neighbors. And I don't want this traditional lifestyle. Seems it's like what every person craves, but it's the opposite to me. I do not want to look outside my window and see walls, perfectly carved roads, (RVs) trailers, and stop signs. That is the most depressing thing I can think of.
And yes, I know, that you could make the argument that it is not that deep.
Right now, I have so much time to focus on these specific thoughts, and they can "seem" to bother me. And the argument could be made, that in the future, I would be too busy and occupied to think and care about small things such as "the view" out my window.
But I do like to think about things deeply, and believe I would at any point of my life, even if I'm busy.
And actually, I'm already busy, so not a valid argument. I've always been busy. It's just the way I like it as well as the lifestyle I chose for myself. And just the way it is, even if I didn’t want that.
It also is the same type of argument made when I was choosing universities for myself. "It doesn't matter if you don't like the location. You'll be so busy and studying all the time. You won't even notice. It won't affect you. You won't even have time to explore the city you're in." All not true. I do have time. I do notice. Even if I am busy, it's just the university experience.
So then, what do I have an inkling for? A couple of different settings. One of them, perhaps "discovered" at the same time as my apparent hate for suburbs, is my desire to live smack dab in the middle of nowhere. I don't know why, but I have a desire to put my survival skills to use. In a middle of a field, dark creepy forest, or desert.
Even when that doesn't make any sense. For a desert, it would have to be in a completely different country, and I only have a couple of specific countries I would want to live in. Then again, if it was a desert, in the middle of nowhere, it wouldn't even matter what language or culture or people or country. Everything would be the exact same in a desert. I'd be isolated. I know the heat would suit me. But it doesn't even make sense from a logical survival perspective. How long could you actually live and survive in a desert? Like, a few days? You can't actually just live and survive in the middle of a desert...:(....no matter how much I want to.
Side note, I just learned about oasis's (whatever the plural is?) so maybe I could actually live in a desert!
Wait but how does one build a house on sand? Wouldn’t the house just sink into the sand like quicksand? A drowning house? Because if it’s in the middle of nowhere, that’s not a house you buy, that’s a house you build. This will be expanded more upon in 4.
Then what about a job? That's what's holding me back. Though I guess, if a desert, there is no job. No need to even worry about that. It's just survival at that point. But I still do want a career, so I don't know why I have such contradictory dreams.
And perhaps what brought this on was also reading about Orthodox saints. They often go into the middle of nowhere, away from people, and use survival skills. So perhaps, later in life, after my career.
For a forest, would that be like a cottage? (I’m asking myself, lol). Something about the middle of forest is very romantic and appealing to me. Also reminds me of Orthodox saints. Imagine being able to have your own waterfall and stream and swim at the bottom of the waterfall everyday.
West Coast - definitely west coast. I don't like cities, and how crowded the east coast is. The west coast, however, is more spread-out, and more focused on nature. It would be way easier and make sense to find what I'm looking for.
Mountains. I remember an eye-opening part of a trip one summer. My family stopped in a Walmart in I think it was Montana. And the combination of the Walmart and the mountains was interesting, funny, and ironic. But also beautiful and eye-opening. These people got to see mountains everyday, even coming out of Walmart. I wanted that. They didn't even notice how cool it was. I just remember some guy coming out of Walmart, looking so distracted, by anything but the mountains, but my eyes were glued to the mountains.
I recognize that the east coast has mountains too, but it has cities.
And anywhere in between? What about not the coasts? Similar to one of my reasons for disliking suburbs, I wouldn't want to be stuck in the middle of anywhere. Only nothingness, but close to the coast, so that I don’t feel trapped. And feel free, like I could get away.
Also the ocean. Which is probably the only thing (for me) that the east coast has going for itself. The ocean is actually warm and swimmable, because of its warmer temperature. But I don't know if I would want to swim in the ocean anyway. Sharks. Like a lake sounds more nice. I could swim and relax; not worry about dying every second. The ocean to me, is good for walks, listening to music, and/or simply staring. Also according to my mom apparently it’s healthy. The salty air and water. For your nose…skin?
Based on the previous points, I would have to build my own house. Because to buy a house, that’s suburb basically. Since that’s where everyone lives. It sounds like a lot of work, but also, it makes sense, since I’m such a perfectionist. I could actually create the perfect house into existence. I already have the perfect inspiration; figured out a perfect layout years ago. Though, since then, it’s gotten more complicated to know exactly what’s in store in the future/right for me! For more information about that, Read the blog post called “House” that I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post.
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